I remember my Omani homegirl R saying, and I quote: "You'd love Omani culture less if you were actually Omani."
And classic KH: "Trade passports? You love my country, take it. I want out."
It has always GREATLY amused my Omani friends that I love things from Omani culture that they are slowly rejecting, such as regional dress, certain handicrafts, Omani history, Omani stories, ect... and I had always thought it was very foolish of friends like R & KH to reject their culture for my highly commercialized, melting pot one. Well, not mine familially (as I have a very colourful family who have never quite been amalgomated into their society), but mine nationally anyways, just to add for clarification.
But now, from within the culture, I begin to understand why R favours jeans over sirwaal, and rejects niqab [the face veil], and why KH is so disatisfied with his role in society and longs for the advantages of freedom depite having to do barely nothing to subsist in Omani culture.
From within the culture, that I still love, I know all the things of the culture, good and bad, that cannot be so easily rejected and set aside. KH & R cannot do anything other than what is the norm in their famillies. They wear Western clothes, eat Western food, don't know alot about Oman, and the good things about it, and I hate this.
But I begin to understand the act of rejection as a means to protest the things that they wish they were able to reject.
Dhofari girls that happen to write about rejecting the niqab (face veil) don't really reject the niqab as the Islamic message it represents. They represent their lack of choice with the niqab of the symbol of their ignorant or uneducated relatives. This confuses expats, causes controversy in the Muslim Ummah, but at least, now I get it.
KH wishes to abstain from the wasta system. He longs for an Islamic (not Omani) marriage.
R also longs for an Islamic marriage. She longs for the time when an Omani woman doing something not sinful and even good for herself even if it goes contrary to the norm in the family will not be considered a crime in the society worse than adultery and murder. R admits if she murdered someone, her family would probably forgive her and support her, but if she chose to marry someone of the wrong tribe name, she'd be out in the cold and called "siflah" an arabic swearword similiar to "b*&^" but meaning "one who has gone out". The same thing would happen to her is she supported another family member doing the same.
Now that I am within the bounds of Omani society, and fall subject to the laws and traditions of MOP's tribe (apparently, if I drive a Mustang, I'll be a "bad girl" lol :XD same goes for a sporty jeep or wearing a colourful headscarf in certain village places) I find my powers to reject things to be limited in some cases (not by MOP himself) so I fight for things that are NOT important.
I never really desired to wear open style abayas at all. Not really my fave style. But I found myself fighting for the right to wear them even though it was not important to me.
Or hearing an ignorant Omani saying "9/11 was the Jews, and I hate America" and only able to give "Palestine" as a reason for that when I ask them why.
Not aware, apparently, that the Turkish Caliphate allying itself with Hitler not being half the reason, or that the Cheks armed Israel in its early days, not the USA, ect, ect, ect.
Read Bernard's "The Crisis of Islam" to understand better. Decent book, though he misuses the term "Wahabi" quite extensively. He means "Saudi jurisprudence" not exactly "Wahabi". Anyways.
I have realized, that fighting for things that are not important to me is hypocritical. Just as hypocritical as my friends, who I had judged as foolish for rejecting the worthy things in their culture and societies, who do not rebell against the true causes of their discontent state in life.
So while I will continue to fight, embracing everything in Omani culture that is not unislamic, I will not fight just to prove I have fight in me. No success or change or even satisfaction can come from that, just exhaustion.
Showing posts with label Omani culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Omani culture. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
RANT: How dare they not wear hijab!!!!!!!!
I almost got into a fight infront of room of students at SQU the other day (previous our weekend). MOP and I were peacefully reading a paper, and it happened to feature pictures of the Royal Horse Show in Al Wattiyah. Also the female riders wearing traditional Omani dress.
MOP casually (I suppose) remarked, that is was "all that people could talk about. How they were dressed."
He meant the women.
Which drew my ire.
OPNO: "What do you mean, how they were dressed?!" [my question is a threat, for those of you who do not know me. for those of you who do, you know MOP was digging his own grave just by opening his mouth any further.]
MOP pointed to the women's sirwaal/pants, and how they coat has blown up in the wind as they raced: "Their sirwaal is tight."
OPNO: "And when the wind blows, my abaya sticks to my butt. What's your point? The clothes are loose. EVEN THE PANTS!!!! When they stand in one spot, the clothing is not tight. In fact, it covers mid shin. It's hijab, even some of them, correct Quranic jilbab."
MOP scratches his head.
OPNO continues: "Oh MY GOD. Do you ever hear us women going around, talking about how some man failed to even COVER HIS NAKEDNESS as per Islam in, say, soccer/football matches?! No, you don't. But that's a sin for a man. He's not wearing hijab. In fact, I don't see any beards on ya'll that I'm sure were saying, 'it's all they can talk about'.
But GOD FORBID A WOMAN does not wear hijab AS A CULTURE WOULD DECREE, rather than as her God would decree, and even her Sultan."
People were staring at us, because I picked up the hem of my abaya at that point, to make my point, flashing, MY HIGHLY MODEST SIRWAAL (which has a further layer under it I might add, despite that in the summer this is a sticky, sweaty affair of dress!).
"God FORGIVE ME IF I AM WRONG! But don't your grandmothers dress like this and none of you have a problem?!"
MOP: "Yes, but they are fifty and-"
OPNO: "-Fifty and what? Some of them were wearing jilab! Jilbab isn't merely an abaya!!!!! Or black!!!!!!!!"
MOP is like a goat caught in the headlights [in english, this is a metaphor, please Arabs, don't take it the arab way, OPNO's husband IS NOT A goat].
OPNO continues to rage. MOP manoeuvers her out of the populated room in SQU to an abandoned parking lot, wear MOP soothes her with "I agree with you's" ect, until she stops seething.
There is, consequently, as there is an misunderstanding between Omani men and Omani women, a misunderstanding that non-Muslims have, that Muslim men don't have to cover, and Muslim women do.
WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!
You KNOW the only reason Muslim men are allowed to wear less than women?!!!!
Because fabric used to be expensive due it the time it took to produce it before the industrial revolution, and it was a means to equal the poor man out from the rich one, and to give preference to the wife in regards to wealth of fabric.
If the man has the means to it, he is supposed to cover himself (including his head and his shoulders to at least below his knee) more than the bare minimum, but not to excess (having fabric that drags on the ground to show off one can afford more fabric, or expensive fabric and dyes and ornamentation).
But whether or poor or not, the Muslim man has to cover from his navel to his knee. That means nothing below the bellybutton, and nothing above the knee.
Reported Muhammad Jahsh, "The Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, passed by Ma'mar while his thighs were uncovered. He said, to him, 'O Ma'mar, cover your thighs, for they are (part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, al-Hakim and al-Bukhari in Tareekh and in mu'allaq form in his Sahih.
Reported Jurhad, "The Messenger of Allah passed by me when the cloak I was wearing did not cover my thigh. He said, 'Cover your thigh, for it (is part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi, who called it hassan, and by al-Bukhari in mu'allaq form in the Sahih
Most Muslim soccer/sports players do not wear their hijab, which would be obligatory for them after puberty.
So let's just ban women from watching men's sports! some [ignorant idtiots] say.
I'm sorry, but it is a SIN FOR ANOTHER MAN even to see your thighs, guys, in Islam, so.... practice hijab even among yourselves first, before you lecture and conjecture over stranger's daughters, sisters, and wives, k?
I suggest reading this post on the bare minimum's on excess (silk, coloured dyes, length of fabric, type of fabrics, and what must be covered for men, and of course, lowering the gaze:
http://ohbrother-hijabformen.blogspot.com/
and all the evidence from the Qu'ran and sunnah containing commands for Muslim men to have beards (and how to keep them): http://ilovehishmatheblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/juma-thoughts-muslim-man-and-his-beard.html
So, now my brothers, before you decide to ruin other people's lives with fatws about women not participating in sports, or even watching them, why don't you study your Islam, make sure YOU yourself are practicing your religion and its commandments correctly.
We don't like judges that break the laws themselves do we? We don't respect police officers who do opposite what they are telling US to do, do we?
Well, such is the wisdom of Islam, that BOTH men and women have hijab. Brothers, honestly, talk less about OUR hijab, and work on your own.
Sisters, it is YOUR DUTY to perfect your hijab, and at least read enough (from daleel, not nessarily scholar's fatwas) to know what it is.
So no one can be so dumb as to tell you you can't ride a horse, or swim, unless, you are neither Sunni nor Ibadhi, since both recognize Umar as the leader of the Muslims in his time, and he said:
Omar ibn Al-Khattab (2nd Caliphate):
“Teach your children swimming, archery and horse-riding.”
Or tell you, you can't watch sports or entertainment with men in it (provided they are not doing anything haraam):
On an Eid day, some Abyssinians were singing a song and giving a dance performance right on the premises of the Prophet's Mosque in Medinah. Aisha . r.a. narrates that the Prophet asked her if she would like to watch it. She agreed and both she and the holy Prophet watched it for quite a while.
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Arabic version, v3, p228) [Note: Shiite Muslims reject this hadith as false, and also reject the previous, being they do not recognize Umar as a valid source of narration].
MOP casually (I suppose) remarked, that is was "all that people could talk about. How they were dressed."
He meant the women.
Which drew my ire.
OPNO: "What do you mean, how they were dressed?!" [my question is a threat, for those of you who do not know me. for those of you who do, you know MOP was digging his own grave just by opening his mouth any further.]
MOP pointed to the women's sirwaal/pants, and how they coat has blown up in the wind as they raced: "Their sirwaal is tight."
OPNO: "And when the wind blows, my abaya sticks to my butt. What's your point? The clothes are loose. EVEN THE PANTS!!!! When they stand in one spot, the clothing is not tight. In fact, it covers mid shin. It's hijab, even some of them, correct Quranic jilbab."
MOP scratches his head.
OPNO continues: "Oh MY GOD. Do you ever hear us women going around, talking about how some man failed to even COVER HIS NAKEDNESS as per Islam in, say, soccer/football matches?! No, you don't. But that's a sin for a man. He's not wearing hijab. In fact, I don't see any beards on ya'll that I'm sure were saying, 'it's all they can talk about'.
But GOD FORBID A WOMAN does not wear hijab AS A CULTURE WOULD DECREE, rather than as her God would decree, and even her Sultan."
People were staring at us, because I picked up the hem of my abaya at that point, to make my point, flashing, MY HIGHLY MODEST SIRWAAL (which has a further layer under it I might add, despite that in the summer this is a sticky, sweaty affair of dress!).
"God FORGIVE ME IF I AM WRONG! But don't your grandmothers dress like this and none of you have a problem?!"
MOP: "Yes, but they are fifty and-"
OPNO: "-Fifty and what? Some of them were wearing jilab! Jilbab isn't merely an abaya!!!!! Or black!!!!!!!!"
MOP is like a goat caught in the headlights [in english, this is a metaphor, please Arabs, don't take it the arab way, OPNO's husband IS NOT A goat].
OPNO continues to rage. MOP manoeuvers her out of the populated room in SQU to an abandoned parking lot, wear MOP soothes her with "I agree with you's" ect, until she stops seething.
There is, consequently, as there is an misunderstanding between Omani men and Omani women, a misunderstanding that non-Muslims have, that Muslim men don't have to cover, and Muslim women do.
WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!
You KNOW the only reason Muslim men are allowed to wear less than women?!!!!
Because fabric used to be expensive due it the time it took to produce it before the industrial revolution, and it was a means to equal the poor man out from the rich one, and to give preference to the wife in regards to wealth of fabric.
If the man has the means to it, he is supposed to cover himself (including his head and his shoulders to at least below his knee) more than the bare minimum, but not to excess (having fabric that drags on the ground to show off one can afford more fabric, or expensive fabric and dyes and ornamentation).
But whether or poor or not, the Muslim man has to cover from his navel to his knee. That means nothing below the bellybutton, and nothing above the knee.
Reported Muhammad Jahsh, "The Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, passed by Ma'mar while his thighs were uncovered. He said, to him, 'O Ma'mar, cover your thighs, for they are (part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, al-Hakim and al-Bukhari in Tareekh and in mu'allaq form in his Sahih.
Reported Jurhad, "The Messenger of Allah passed by me when the cloak I was wearing did not cover my thigh. He said, 'Cover your thigh, for it (is part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi, who called it hassan, and by al-Bukhari in mu'allaq form in the Sahih
Most Muslim soccer/sports players do not wear their hijab, which would be obligatory for them after puberty.
So let's just ban women from watching men's sports! some [ignorant idtiots] say.
I'm sorry, but it is a SIN FOR ANOTHER MAN even to see your thighs, guys, in Islam, so.... practice hijab even among yourselves first, before you lecture and conjecture over stranger's daughters, sisters, and wives, k?
I suggest reading this post on the bare minimum's on excess (silk, coloured dyes, length of fabric, type of fabrics, and what must be covered for men, and of course, lowering the gaze:
http://ohbrother-hijabformen.blogspot.com/
and all the evidence from the Qu'ran and sunnah containing commands for Muslim men to have beards (and how to keep them): http://ilovehishmatheblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/juma-thoughts-muslim-man-and-his-beard.html
So, now my brothers, before you decide to ruin other people's lives with fatws about women not participating in sports, or even watching them, why don't you study your Islam, make sure YOU yourself are practicing your religion and its commandments correctly.
We don't like judges that break the laws themselves do we? We don't respect police officers who do opposite what they are telling US to do, do we?
Well, such is the wisdom of Islam, that BOTH men and women have hijab. Brothers, honestly, talk less about OUR hijab, and work on your own.
Sisters, it is YOUR DUTY to perfect your hijab, and at least read enough (from daleel, not nessarily scholar's fatwas) to know what it is.
So no one can be so dumb as to tell you you can't ride a horse, or swim, unless, you are neither Sunni nor Ibadhi, since both recognize Umar as the leader of the Muslims in his time, and he said:
Omar ibn Al-Khattab (2nd Caliphate):
“Teach your children swimming, archery and horse-riding.”
Or tell you, you can't watch sports or entertainment with men in it (provided they are not doing anything haraam):
On an Eid day, some Abyssinians were singing a song and giving a dance performance right on the premises of the Prophet's Mosque in Medinah. Aisha . r.a. narrates that the Prophet asked her if she would like to watch it. She agreed and both she and the holy Prophet watched it for quite a while.
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Arabic version, v3, p228) [Note: Shiite Muslims reject this hadith as false, and also reject the previous, being they do not recognize Umar as a valid source of narration].
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Marrying One's Cousin in Oman, and Pepsi Babies
Because of a comment I read on JD's blog, I wanted to touch on the topic of marrying one's cousins.
Unless my future children are totally adamantly, defiantly in love with one of their Omani cousins, and that cousin they are in love with is a good Muslim AND a good person (they should be intertwined, one meaning the other but one can be culturally Islamic and a horrible personage at the same time in my experience), and then, and only then, if they have a blood test first, and it makes them medically compatible, well... other than that, I won't let them marry their cousins. Or be familially pressured into marrying their cousins.
Why? when I adore most of their potential cousins? When I love my family? and think them good, and actually accept the practice as halal in Islam?
Because sometimes, the children inherit genetic diseases, especially blood disorders, more often, when they are genetically linked. And it isn't a very big issue for me. My husband was born from parents who were cousins, and most of my Omani, Saudi, Emerati, Qatari, Bahraini friends are too. It isn't a big deal to me, but I think it is better to NOT to. Medically.
Contrary to what alot of expats think, not everyone who marries their cousins are gonna end up with special needs children. It just doesn't happen like that. For example, my Omani family. The only genetically inherent disease they seem to manifest from stubbornly marrying only in the family is bleeding gum. I mean, uber sensitive teeth. The ones that married distant cousins from far away villages don't have this problem in their children. But imagine if it were something worse than sensitive teeth. Like blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia.
I was reading a book on the history of the interior region of the Sultanate from an early expat voice on Oman and was highly offended when the author referred to people from the interior as warring imbreds.
Since not all cousin babies end up in trouble at all. There are ALOT of medical factors. I know, it is one thing to do with my work in IRL;)
But then, now after my opinions on the subject, there is one other thought in my head. A conversation between my sister in law and I of late.
Now, if she ever reads this, my SIL will figure out RIGHT AWAY who I am in IRL. Hi! My Big Omani Princess;P [BOP].
Anyways, SIL BOP and I were talking about something TOTALLY UNRELATED to anything or anyone imbred. We were talking about ow unhealthy Pepsi is. Or, well BOP was, since MOP [my Omani Prince aka my husband] is also on this bandwagon and they want me to stop drinking alot of caffeine.
I spoke in defence of the occasional can of pepsi. I know it rots my teeth out, but I do not think the powers attributed to it by BOP canbe actually manifest.
BOP: "Once a month is totally okay. But I knew a girl from Nizwa who drank only Pepsi during her preganancy, and her baby was born with deformities."
OPNO: "So you blame the Pepsi?"
BOP: "Of course."
OPNO: "I think it had more to do with them being cousins."
Sorry, Cousin Marriages, but I had to say that in defence of my occasional can of Pepsi. I really can't do the "dew" and orange miranda stains my teeth sooooo... LOL.
Unless my future children are totally adamantly, defiantly in love with one of their Omani cousins, and that cousin they are in love with is a good Muslim AND a good person (they should be intertwined, one meaning the other but one can be culturally Islamic and a horrible personage at the same time in my experience), and then, and only then, if they have a blood test first, and it makes them medically compatible, well... other than that, I won't let them marry their cousins. Or be familially pressured into marrying their cousins.
Why? when I adore most of their potential cousins? When I love my family? and think them good, and actually accept the practice as halal in Islam?
Because sometimes, the children inherit genetic diseases, especially blood disorders, more often, when they are genetically linked. And it isn't a very big issue for me. My husband was born from parents who were cousins, and most of my Omani, Saudi, Emerati, Qatari, Bahraini friends are too. It isn't a big deal to me, but I think it is better to NOT to. Medically.
Contrary to what alot of expats think, not everyone who marries their cousins are gonna end up with special needs children. It just doesn't happen like that. For example, my Omani family. The only genetically inherent disease they seem to manifest from stubbornly marrying only in the family is bleeding gum. I mean, uber sensitive teeth. The ones that married distant cousins from far away villages don't have this problem in their children. But imagine if it were something worse than sensitive teeth. Like blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia.
I was reading a book on the history of the interior region of the Sultanate from an early expat voice on Oman and was highly offended when the author referred to people from the interior as warring imbreds.
Since not all cousin babies end up in trouble at all. There are ALOT of medical factors. I know, it is one thing to do with my work in IRL;)
But then, now after my opinions on the subject, there is one other thought in my head. A conversation between my sister in law and I of late.
Now, if she ever reads this, my SIL will figure out RIGHT AWAY who I am in IRL. Hi! My Big Omani Princess;P [BOP].
Anyways, SIL BOP and I were talking about something TOTALLY UNRELATED to anything or anyone imbred. We were talking about ow unhealthy Pepsi is. Or, well BOP was, since MOP [my Omani Prince aka my husband] is also on this bandwagon and they want me to stop drinking alot of caffeine.
I spoke in defence of the occasional can of pepsi. I know it rots my teeth out, but I do not think the powers attributed to it by BOP canbe actually manifest.
BOP: "Once a month is totally okay. But I knew a girl from Nizwa who drank only Pepsi during her preganancy, and her baby was born with deformities."
OPNO: "So you blame the Pepsi?"
BOP: "Of course."
OPNO: "I think it had more to do with them being cousins."
Sorry, Cousin Marriages, but I had to say that in defence of my occasional can of Pepsi. I really can't do the "dew" and orange miranda stains my teeth sooooo... LOL.
Watching Movies in Oman
Going to the cinema in Oman can be an interesting experience. As a single Muslim gal, I never went by myself without one of my shebab (the guys) for keeping things kosher, or a rather large-ish group of banaat (girls). Because, well, go by yourself and you get one thinks-he's-sauve-and-brave Omani fella trying to chat you up or buy you popcorn ect, and it ruins the experience. As a non-muslim expat, I admit I never had this experience, but seems if you wear an abaya and a headscarf you instantly turn into dating material, go figure.
So, then my other option was renting movies.
I would have rented more but most places demand that you buy a membership. Which I did once, but since I always forget to carry my member card, and change my GSM # too often to remember it, I get stuck with puting 20-10 rials deposit down for a single rental. Which, I don't always have the fuloos (money) to do.
Watching movies off the net.
Anyone whose been in Oman for a week knows that the average internet connection suckssssssss, and is painstakingly slow. So downloading movies takes time, and for me, honestly, as a Muslim, I can't do it, cuz in most cases (not all) it is stealing.
And I love the part where I can't hear the film because te bad pirated copy has people in the theatre laughing and I see some asian guy get up and walk across the screen to get more popcorn. Awesome!
So then. I turn to buying movies when I have the cash. I spend a little extra at a store for what I am guaranteed is NOT a pirated copy.
I get home and find that the not-a-fake is a fake and feel kinda bad. And wish a little I HAD bought the cheaper OBVIOUSLY fake one.
But, you know what, there is always one part of watching a pirated film that makes me so giddily happy.
There is that add at the beginning that thanks you for buying the original and not a pirated copy. It says, thank you for not stealing. THAT PART, dear readers, I find absolutely hilarious and timelessly funny to see, on any DVD. That they pirated the "thank you for not pirating" part.
BEST part of the movie!
So, then my other option was renting movies.
I would have rented more but most places demand that you buy a membership. Which I did once, but since I always forget to carry my member card, and change my GSM # too often to remember it, I get stuck with puting 20-10 rials deposit down for a single rental. Which, I don't always have the fuloos (money) to do.
Watching movies off the net.
Anyone whose been in Oman for a week knows that the average internet connection suckssssssss, and is painstakingly slow. So downloading movies takes time, and for me, honestly, as a Muslim, I can't do it, cuz in most cases (not all) it is stealing.
And I love the part where I can't hear the film because te bad pirated copy has people in the theatre laughing and I see some asian guy get up and walk across the screen to get more popcorn. Awesome!
So then. I turn to buying movies when I have the cash. I spend a little extra at a store for what I am guaranteed is NOT a pirated copy.
I get home and find that the not-a-fake is a fake and feel kinda bad. And wish a little I HAD bought the cheaper OBVIOUSLY fake one.
But, you know what, there is always one part of watching a pirated film that makes me so giddily happy.
There is that add at the beginning that thanks you for buying the original and not a pirated copy. It says, thank you for not stealing. THAT PART, dear readers, I find absolutely hilarious and timelessly funny to see, on any DVD. That they pirated the "thank you for not pirating" part.
BEST part of the movie!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The 'Sexist' and 'Miss Manners'
If you came from my cultural background (as I do when it comes to manners of speech) you would probably think my husband [referred to on this blog as MOP] kind of sexist.
“Take dress!” he orders me when I am being lazy and don’t want to go to work and want to stay in my pajamas all day with a big fat orange cat on my lap, painting or reading.
In Carrefoure or Lulu: “Come here!” “Go there.” “Give me that,” as he snatches away my heavy basket which I insist upon lugging since I am strong enough to do so, and he is already pushing the cart and all, and carrying my lap top bag from work.
Gone are the ‘honeymoon’ days before marriage, when he would say “please come here” or “please get dressed”, or “thank-you” for handing him this or that, you would think.
Sometimes, I forget I am “Omani” now, and get all offended.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I bark. “Take dress!” I scoff. “Now I will take EVEN LONGER to get ready, HA! Cuz you are bugging me:p!!!!!”
Yes, yes, I idiotically do that.
In my culture, saying “please” “thank you” “you’re welcome” are absolutely tantamount to respect and care, and of course, these things should certainly not be left out for the one you love.
So when I say “Thank you, MOP, for bringing me the mango juice I asked for.” “Thank you MOP, for buying us dinner” HE gets all offended, like, “You are my wife, what am I supposed to do? Thank you is for strangers.”
Apparently, for family and loved ones and the closest of friends, barking orders is a way to show you are bestest best friends forever and the like.
I admit. I can’t do it.
I cannot bark orders or fail to get offended when I am told, not asked to do something.
I admire MOP. He has changed alot, and me, only very little.
MOP has adapted his manners accordingly, but still thinks it most absurd that I like “please” and “thank you”.
And I can't upload pipctures now because I for some reason, have blocked file uploads to the net from my desktop with new software, IT genius that I am;)
“Take dress!” he orders me when I am being lazy and don’t want to go to work and want to stay in my pajamas all day with a big fat orange cat on my lap, painting or reading.
In Carrefoure or Lulu: “Come here!” “Go there.” “Give me that,” as he snatches away my heavy basket which I insist upon lugging since I am strong enough to do so, and he is already pushing the cart and all, and carrying my lap top bag from work.
Gone are the ‘honeymoon’ days before marriage, when he would say “please come here” or “please get dressed”, or “thank-you” for handing him this or that, you would think.
Sometimes, I forget I am “Omani” now, and get all offended.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I bark. “Take dress!” I scoff. “Now I will take EVEN LONGER to get ready, HA! Cuz you are bugging me:p!!!!!”
Yes, yes, I idiotically do that.
In my culture, saying “please” “thank you” “you’re welcome” are absolutely tantamount to respect and care, and of course, these things should certainly not be left out for the one you love.
So when I say “Thank you, MOP, for bringing me the mango juice I asked for.” “Thank you MOP, for buying us dinner” HE gets all offended, like, “You are my wife, what am I supposed to do? Thank you is for strangers.”
Apparently, for family and loved ones and the closest of friends, barking orders is a way to show you are bestest best friends forever and the like.
I admit. I can’t do it.
I cannot bark orders or fail to get offended when I am told, not asked to do something.
I admire MOP. He has changed alot, and me, only very little.
MOP has adapted his manners accordingly, but still thinks it most absurd that I like “please” and “thank you”.
And I can't upload pipctures now because I for some reason, have blocked file uploads to the net from my desktop with new software, IT genius that I am;)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Islam in Oman for Beginners: What are Ibadhis?
WHAT ARE IBADHIS?
[this is one I had to look up because before I cam to Oman, I had never heard of "ibadhiya"]
"Ibadi" is a word used in the Quran that litterally means "Allah's Slaves/Servants"
WHERE DID THE IBADHI SCHOOL OF THOUGHT COME FROM?
Some believe it to be the earliest Islamic School of thought on Islam, founded only 50 years of the death of the Prophet Mohamed SAW, derived from the Kharijites.
Kharijites (literally "Those who Went Out") is a general term embracing various Muslims of the first and second generations of Islam who, while initially supporting the leadership of the fourth caliph Ali ibn Abi Talib, later rejected him. They first emerged in the late 7th century AD, concentrated in today's southern Iraq, and are distinct from the Sunnis and Shias. Kharijites insist that any Muslim could be a leader of the Muslim community and on the right to revolt against any ruler who deviated from the example of the Islamic Prophet Mohamed.
They believed it is not a must for the Islamic caliph to be from a certain tribe or the Prophet Mohamed's bloodline. Any pious Muslim nominated by other Muslims can be an eligable caliph. Obedience to such a Caliph is binding as long as that Caliph/leader is managing affairs with justice and consultation, but if he deviates, then obedience is not obligatory.
WHICH, CONSEQUENTLY, OPNO does believe also, although I am not Ibadhi. So many Sunni among the Salaf label me a Kharjite though I consider myself Salafi (funny that, huh?).
I don't know if I would have been one though because, the Kharjites (and most Ibadhi) believe that the act of sinning is analogous to Kufr (disbelief---a thing Muslims are absolutely forbidden with punishment tatamount to death in Islam) and that every grave sinner was regarded as KafirKaafir (disbeliever) unless he repents.
HOW DID THE KHARIJITE SCHOOL OF THOUGHT INFLUENCE THE IBADHI MADHAB?
[Madhab is an Islamic word for School of Thought/Islamic Jurisprudence]
The only surrviving group of the Kharjites, are the Omani Ibadhi who do not equate themselves with the Kharjites whose school of thought theirs arrives from, instead attributing themselves to Jabir ibn Zaid al-'Azdi from Nizwa, Oman, although scholars peg it with Abdullah ibn Ibadh at-Tamimi as MORE LIKELY (died 708).
Unlike the Kharijites, the Ibadhi have abandoned the practice of disassociation with other Muslims and labelling all Muslim sinners as Kuffar/disbelievers, although they dislike to maintain strong friendships with Muslims they do not believe are practicing correctly. Nor do they believe in hostility with other religions such as Judaism and Christianity without first being attacked.
Originally the Kharijites believed that the removal of any Caliph who was not practising Islam to the dictates of the Prophet Mohamed SAW (they saw Uthman ibn Affan as introducing bidas [innovation forbidden in the religion]) was a requirement of the Muslim citizenry, even through the act of assassination, as was done to Ali ibn Abi Talib, and attempted upon Muawiya [if you are familiar with Islamic history after the death of the Prophet Mohamed SAW these references will make sense, if not, don't worry, they are just examples!]
Ibadhi in majority, while approving the removal of an Islamic Calipha/Muslim leader, do not condone killing sinners for Kuffar as a means to an end.
WHAT DO IBADHIS BELIEVE?:
Key differences between Ibadhi and other schools of thoughts/madhabs:
-Ibadhi believe that the most Islamically knowledgeable and skilled should be leader of the Muslims, and one not following Islam directly should not be followed by the Muslim citizenry
-Ibadhi do not make dua (*I'll explain in another post) during the 5 daily prayers unless for rain which a special prayer.
-Ibadhi do not believe God can be seen in Paradise as according to the Qur'an where Moses/MusaMusa is told upon asking to see God, "You shall not see me." This is contrary to the mainstream Sunni belief that Muslims will see God with their eyes on the day of Judgment, but the same as the Shia opinion.
-Ibadhi believe that once in the hellfire, one stays there, unlike the Majority Sunni belief that those Muslims who enter the Hellfire will live therein for a fixed amount of time, to purify them of their shortcomings, after which they will enter Paradise. Sunnis also believe, however, that unbelievers in "One God" (without association of others with God) will be in the Hellfire forever.
-Ibadhi believe the Quran was created at a certain time
-Ibadhi pray with their hands at their sides and not crossed on above or below their chests
-Ibadhi do not believe Quran can be recited at all by an individual unless that individual has preformed ritual cleansing
-Ibadhi believe if the fast of Ramadan is broken they must fast two consecutive months to make up the fast
[and various other small differences in Islamic jurisprudence]
On history and the Islamic Caliphate/Leadership of the Muslim Population:
Ibadis agree with Sunnis in approving of Abu Bakr and Umar ibn al-Khattab, whom they regard as the two rightly-guided Leaders/Caliphs. They regard Uthman ibn Affa as having introduced bida "innovations" into Islam, and approve of the revolt which overthrew him. They also approve of the first part of Ali's caliphate, and, like Shi'as, disapprove of Aisha's rebellion against him and also disapprove of Muawiya's revolt. However, they regard Ali's acceptance of arbitration at the Battle of Siffin against Muawiya's rebels as un-Islamic and as rendering him unfit for the Imamate/role of Calipha/Leader of the Muslims, and they condemn Ali for killing the Muslims of an-Nahr in the Battle of Nahrawan
In their belief, the fifth legitimate Caliph was Abdullah ibn Wahb al-Rasibi. All Caliphs from Muawiya onwards are regarded as tyrants except Umar ibn Abdul Aziz, on whom opinions differ. However, various later Ibadi leaders are recognized as Caliphas to the Ibadhi population, including Abdullah ibn Yahya al-Kindi of South Arabia and the imams of the Rustamid dynasty in North Africa.
***The last so-called Calipha/Imam (I personally don't think much of the Ibadhi population serriously equated him on the same level as following the Prophet Mohamed sallalahu alahi wa salam) was Ghalib of Oman).
View of hadith:
Ibadi Islam accepts many Sunni hadith, while rejecting others, and accepts some hadith not accepted by Sunnis. Ibadi jurisprudence is based only on the hadith accepted by Ibadis, which are far less numerous than those accepted by Sunnis. Several of Ibadism's founding figures – in particular Jabir ibn Zayd – were noted for their hadith research, and Jabir ibn Zayd is accepted as a reliable narrator by Sunni scholars as well as Ibadi ones.
The principal hadith collection accepted by Ibadis is al-Jami'i al-Sahih, also called Musnad al-Rabi ibn Habib, as rearranged by Abu Ya'qub Yusuf b. Ibrahim al-Warijlani. Most of its hadith are reported by Sunnis, while several are not. The rules used for determining the reliability of a hadith are given by Abu Ya'qub al-Warijlani, and are largely similar to those used by Sunnis; they criticize some of Mohammed SAW's companions, believing that some were corrupted after the reign of the first two caliphs. The Ibadi jurists accept hadith narrating the words of the companions as a third basis for legal rulings, alongside the Qur'an and hadith relating Muhammad's words.
WILL WRITE MORE LATER. ROADS CLOSING AT ONE AGAIN!!!!
[this is one I had to look up because before I cam to Oman, I had never heard of "ibadhiya"]
"Ibadi" is a word used in the Quran that litterally means "Allah's Slaves/Servants"
WHERE DID THE IBADHI SCHOOL OF THOUGHT COME FROM?
Some believe it to be the earliest Islamic School of thought on Islam, founded only 50 years of the death of the Prophet Mohamed SAW, derived from the Kharijites.
Kharijites (literally "Those who Went Out") is a general term embracing various Muslims of the first and second generations of Islam who, while initially supporting the leadership of the fourth caliph Ali ibn Abi Talib, later rejected him. They first emerged in the late 7th century AD, concentrated in today's southern Iraq, and are distinct from the Sunnis and Shias. Kharijites insist that any Muslim could be a leader of the Muslim community and on the right to revolt against any ruler who deviated from the example of the Islamic Prophet Mohamed.
They believed it is not a must for the Islamic caliph to be from a certain tribe or the Prophet Mohamed's bloodline. Any pious Muslim nominated by other Muslims can be an eligable caliph. Obedience to such a Caliph is binding as long as that Caliph/leader is managing affairs with justice and consultation, but if he deviates, then obedience is not obligatory.
WHICH, CONSEQUENTLY, OPNO does believe also, although I am not Ibadhi. So many Sunni among the Salaf label me a Kharjite though I consider myself Salafi (funny that, huh?).
I don't know if I would have been one though because, the Kharjites (and most Ibadhi) believe that the act of sinning is analogous to Kufr (disbelief---a thing Muslims are absolutely forbidden with punishment tatamount to death in Islam) and that every grave sinner was regarded as KafirKaafir (disbeliever) unless he repents.
HOW DID THE KHARIJITE SCHOOL OF THOUGHT INFLUENCE THE IBADHI MADHAB?
[Madhab is an Islamic word for School of Thought/Islamic Jurisprudence]
The only surrviving group of the Kharjites, are the Omani Ibadhi who do not equate themselves with the Kharjites whose school of thought theirs arrives from, instead attributing themselves to Jabir ibn Zaid al-'Azdi from Nizwa, Oman, although scholars peg it with Abdullah ibn Ibadh at-Tamimi as MORE LIKELY (died 708).
Unlike the Kharijites, the Ibadhi have abandoned the practice of disassociation with other Muslims and labelling all Muslim sinners as Kuffar/disbelievers, although they dislike to maintain strong friendships with Muslims they do not believe are practicing correctly. Nor do they believe in hostility with other religions such as Judaism and Christianity without first being attacked.
Originally the Kharijites believed that the removal of any Caliph who was not practising Islam to the dictates of the Prophet Mohamed SAW (they saw Uthman ibn Affan as introducing bidas [innovation forbidden in the religion]) was a requirement of the Muslim citizenry, even through the act of assassination, as was done to Ali ibn Abi Talib, and attempted upon Muawiya [if you are familiar with Islamic history after the death of the Prophet Mohamed SAW these references will make sense, if not, don't worry, they are just examples!]
Ibadhi in majority, while approving the removal of an Islamic Calipha/Muslim leader, do not condone killing sinners for Kuffar as a means to an end.
WHAT DO IBADHIS BELIEVE?:
Key differences between Ibadhi and other schools of thoughts/madhabs:
-Ibadhi believe that the most Islamically knowledgeable and skilled should be leader of the Muslims, and one not following Islam directly should not be followed by the Muslim citizenry
-Ibadhi do not make dua (*I'll explain in another post) during the 5 daily prayers unless for rain which a special prayer.
-Ibadhi do not believe God can be seen in Paradise as according to the Qur'an where Moses/MusaMusa is told upon asking to see God, "You shall not see me." This is contrary to the mainstream Sunni belief that Muslims will see God with their eyes on the day of Judgment, but the same as the Shia opinion.
-Ibadhi believe that once in the hellfire, one stays there, unlike the Majority Sunni belief that those Muslims who enter the Hellfire will live therein for a fixed amount of time, to purify them of their shortcomings, after which they will enter Paradise. Sunnis also believe, however, that unbelievers in "One God" (without association of others with God) will be in the Hellfire forever.
-Ibadhi believe the Quran was created at a certain time
-Ibadhi pray with their hands at their sides and not crossed on above or below their chests
-Ibadhi do not believe Quran can be recited at all by an individual unless that individual has preformed ritual cleansing
-Ibadhi believe if the fast of Ramadan is broken they must fast two consecutive months to make up the fast
[and various other small differences in Islamic jurisprudence]
On history and the Islamic Caliphate/Leadership of the Muslim Population:
Ibadis agree with Sunnis in approving of Abu Bakr and Umar ibn al-Khattab, whom they regard as the two rightly-guided Leaders/Caliphs. They regard Uthman ibn Affa as having introduced bida "innovations" into Islam, and approve of the revolt which overthrew him. They also approve of the first part of Ali's caliphate, and, like Shi'as, disapprove of Aisha's rebellion against him and also disapprove of Muawiya's revolt. However, they regard Ali's acceptance of arbitration at the Battle of Siffin against Muawiya's rebels as un-Islamic and as rendering him unfit for the Imamate/role of Calipha/Leader of the Muslims, and they condemn Ali for killing the Muslims of an-Nahr in the Battle of Nahrawan
In their belief, the fifth legitimate Caliph was Abdullah ibn Wahb al-Rasibi. All Caliphs from Muawiya onwards are regarded as tyrants except Umar ibn Abdul Aziz, on whom opinions differ. However, various later Ibadi leaders are recognized as Caliphas to the Ibadhi population, including Abdullah ibn Yahya al-Kindi of South Arabia and the imams of the Rustamid dynasty in North Africa.
***The last so-called Calipha/Imam (I personally don't think much of the Ibadhi population serriously equated him on the same level as following the Prophet Mohamed sallalahu alahi wa salam) was Ghalib of Oman).
View of hadith:
Ibadi Islam accepts many Sunni hadith, while rejecting others, and accepts some hadith not accepted by Sunnis. Ibadi jurisprudence is based only on the hadith accepted by Ibadis, which are far less numerous than those accepted by Sunnis. Several of Ibadism's founding figures – in particular Jabir ibn Zayd – were noted for their hadith research, and Jabir ibn Zayd is accepted as a reliable narrator by Sunni scholars as well as Ibadi ones.
The principal hadith collection accepted by Ibadis is al-Jami'i al-Sahih, also called Musnad al-Rabi ibn Habib, as rearranged by Abu Ya'qub Yusuf b. Ibrahim al-Warijlani. Most of its hadith are reported by Sunnis, while several are not. The rules used for determining the reliability of a hadith are given by Abu Ya'qub al-Warijlani, and are largely similar to those used by Sunnis; they criticize some of Mohammed SAW's companions, believing that some were corrupted after the reign of the first two caliphs. The Ibadi jurists accept hadith narrating the words of the companions as a third basis for legal rulings, alongside the Qur'an and hadith relating Muhammad's words.
WILL WRITE MORE LATER. ROADS CLOSING AT ONE AGAIN!!!!
Islam in Oman for Beginners: What percentage of the Omani population are Muslims and what do they believe?
WHAT PERCENTAGE OF THE OMANI POPULATION IS MUSLIM?
As in the other Arabic countries, Islam stands as the main religion in Oman. Islam is in fact, the official religion of Oman, though the Basic Law of the country is liberal towards the other religions as well.
About eighty six percent of the country's population comprises of Muslims who have been residing in the region since the advent of Islam. Omanis accepted Islam during the Prophet Mohamed's lifetime. The other religious groups which the country accommodates have actually migrated to settle in the country in recent years, or have been formed as a result of the country's interaction with the foreign nations. About thirteen percent of the population in Oman comprises of Hindus, who have primarily migrated to the country. A small section of the country follows Christianity as Catholicism had entered the country in some phase of history. Previously, before Islam, many Omanis in various regions were pagans, Christian, or Jewish.
WHAT DOES THIS 86% OF THE POPULATION BELIEVE?
Oman has three major Islamic groups (ways of labelling a set of beliefs concerning Islamic Principles that often have small differences in jurisprudance and politics). All are Muslims under Omani Law
Most of the Muslims in Oman belong to the Ibadi sect, and though the branch has gradually waned in the other Muslim countries. Oman alone still boasts of a majority of Ibadi population. The non Ibadi population comprises mostly of Sunni muslims, who contribute to about twenty five percent of the religion in Oman. A minor portion of the population follows the Shia sect.
As in the other Arabic countries, Islam stands as the main religion in Oman. Islam is in fact, the official religion of Oman, though the Basic Law of the country is liberal towards the other religions as well.
About eighty six percent of the country's population comprises of Muslims who have been residing in the region since the advent of Islam. Omanis accepted Islam during the Prophet Mohamed's lifetime. The other religious groups which the country accommodates have actually migrated to settle in the country in recent years, or have been formed as a result of the country's interaction with the foreign nations. About thirteen percent of the population in Oman comprises of Hindus, who have primarily migrated to the country. A small section of the country follows Christianity as Catholicism had entered the country in some phase of history. Previously, before Islam, many Omanis in various regions were pagans, Christian, or Jewish.
WHAT DOES THIS 86% OF THE POPULATION BELIEVE?
Oman has three major Islamic groups (ways of labelling a set of beliefs concerning Islamic Principles that often have small differences in jurisprudance and politics). All are Muslims under Omani Law
Most of the Muslims in Oman belong to the Ibadi sect, and though the branch has gradually waned in the other Muslim countries. Oman alone still boasts of a majority of Ibadi population. The non Ibadi population comprises mostly of Sunni muslims, who contribute to about twenty five percent of the religion in Oman. A minor portion of the population follows the Shia sect.
Friday, November 26, 2010
The Horses of Oman
If you have NEVER seen an equestrian event in Oman, it is TOTALLY something I recommend you see. On Al Athaiba, on 18th November street, on the side of the road opposite the Chedi (a bit farther down) driving towards Sultan center is the Camel Racing Federation and Equestrian Club building, which keeps an accurate schedule of events.
Definately worth seeing. Once upon a time Oman was one of the most famous places in the world for breeding the best horses, like in Sharqiyah. Such beautiful horses, mashaAllah.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Omani Guys Guide to Marrying a Convert Girl from the West
I was recently asked by one Omani man, and one Qatari;) (H, see if you can guess which blogger I am now, keeping in mind this blog has three authoresses from time to time), as to my advice regarding successful marriages for GCC nationals and Western Muslimah converts (like moi).So first off, there are two kinds of convert girls marrying GCC guys.
1.) The chick who converted to Islam (or became Muslim to get an Arab dude) IN ORDER to marry the GCC guy. I don't know her success rate but in Islam, I usually find her weaker in mind that the next kind of girl who marries a GCC guy, so she is the type more likely to have marry a dud or abusive/controlling fella.
2.) The girl/woman who was already Muslim of her own decision and reasoning BEFORE she met the GCC guy. This doesn't protect her completely, but general good sense WILL.
I can only talk about the second kind.
Step #1 for success: AN INFORMED WOMAN WHO CHOOSES THE RIGHT MAN FOR HER GOALS AND BELIEFS
Well, first step is the woman has to be informed enough about Islam and life to know what marriage is, how she wants her life to basically go, what makes a good husband and who suits her. If she doesn't know all of this she isn't ready for marriage and won't be able to choose the right man.
Step #2 for success: PATIENCE IS REQUIRED ON THE PART OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE
Both spouses have to equate for their cultural differences and neither can expect to make a clone of the other into an image of their culture. No Western girl who chose to become Muslim on her own is going to become a quiet yes girl. It won't happen. So the husband, if he thinks he is really right about something (and it IS in Islam, not his culture) he is going to have to prove it and be gentle in doing so to convince his woman. She's probably willing to make a few exceptions (food, clothes, sitting on the floor, no talking to men without reason) to her own culture to ease into his, but she isn't going to be an Omani village girl ever. Accept it beforehand. It is FACT.
Step #3 for success: THE HUSBAND DOESN'T HAVE TO BE RICH BUT HE SHOULD BE STABLE AND HARDWORKING (and that means on showing attention and reassurance as well as financial)
The husband has to inspire the respect of his wife or she will not love him or listen to him. Nothing else really needs to be said.
These three things generally ensure success, but in Oman I have noticed, families pick and choose what parts of Islam they follow, and generally in a paternalistic, sexist way.
For example, did you know? It IS completely halal for women to talk to men, should there be no fear of fitnah, ie the subject and tone of conversation is kept neutral?
Narrated by Asmaa: Allah’s Apostle passed by a group of women near the mosque. He waved his hand to them in salutation and said: "Beware of being ungrateful to your husbands, beware of being ungrateful to your husbands.”
Narrated by Anas bin Malik: The Prophet passed by a woman who was sitting and weeping beside a grave and said to her, "Fear Allah and be patient."
Not in my husband's family apparently (we shouldn't talk AT ALL in the presence of any men, even to other women in quiet voices, apparently), but I am going to stand my ground on this one.
Just for one example? Why do women where abayas and headscarfs?
So they can go about their business and needs (such as lunch) even if unrelated men are present. Yet, my husband is insistant I should not order lunch unless a place has a family section. While I personally love the privacy afforded by face veils and family sections, I will not ascribe to one being a requirement of women unless they are immodestly dressed Muslimahs. Which I have a good mind not to be. Else maybe we should say women should not leave their homes at all.
MOP glares at OPNO because he knows he is being ridiculous.
Not even the strictest of the Sahaba [muslims we use as behavoural examples] did this, so it doesn't hold with evidence.
Yes boys, keep in mind, while you WERE delighted to tell you family your new convert wife has memorized Qu'ran and Sahih Al Bukhari this means you married a THINKING woman, who probably (make that definately] will not just do as told, or as the group/ village if the group/ village is sexist.
Sorry but no.
LOL, Sweetness, don't worry, I always win my arguments, unless I am, of course, wrong, and then I allow my husband the right to divorce me. In which case, I will know if he truly believes in what he is fighting for, because he simply refuses to divorce me over family section restaurants in Muscat:D and would DEFINATELY divorce me over hanging with KH. So. It is a system that works ladies, unless of course, you marry an ignorant idiot or hypocrite. In that case, you are not wrong, or maybe even he, but the marriage.
Friday, November 19, 2010
How was Eid for you: no blood and mayhem?
When I lived on the Ras Al Hamra block, there was a man at PDO club whose job it was to trap the stray cats. My sister was Enemy no. 1 to poor Pakistani Cat Trapper. Since she was OBVIOUSLY higher up on the way they veiw things around here, she could get away with impeding his livlihood. Every time she saw a cat trap she'd scare the cats away from being fooled by it, and if no one was around, she'd kick his little rickety old trap off the beach cliff.Where it would smash to bits on the (albeit sandy) beach below.
Often, he would see her do this, and narrow his eyes at her, as if wishing evil things to befall her.
Now I am against cats being shot to death as much as anyone else, and think my little sister cute and brave for taking on the cat trapper, but as weird as Oman is, I know that cat trapper got paid per cat he got, and that was money to feed his likely VERY impoverished family back who knows where. So I was torn between the poor man working for his living, and the abismal cruelty of his job towards animals.
I am Muslim, so I am not at all torn about Eid sacrifices, provided the families do not waste the meat. But I am against shooting them in the legs before they die.
APPARENTLY, in MOP's vilage, the Eid cows stampede sometimes.Then all the villagers break out their guns (we are talking some PRETTY ancient rifles now, I mean, ones used in Nizwa when Sultan Taimur took over from Imam Ghalib and Bertram Thomas roamed Oman).
So if you ever see a cow stampede in the mountains followed by a bunch of screaming Omani men clutching ancient (not very accurate) rifles and ceremonial silver daggers...
Don't ask.
It means only one thing:
IIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's Eid
:D/"
Anyways, they (the cows) leap over farm after farm, and the Omani families can't catch them, so they shoot at them before sacrificing them.
MOP [seeing my horrified face] clarifies: "Just their legs."
OPNO: "I don't think that's halal [allowed in Islam]."
MOP [typical boy, enjoyed describing the gore]: "You know the iron peg wound into the ground that attached to the rope around the cow's neck? When the cow bolted and made a run for it, it came right out of ground and impaled their leg."
OPNO [was eating shua at that very moment]: "Haraam [sinful]. Poor cow."
MOP [looked confused]: "No, no, habibati. Not the cow. The cow was fine. It got away until they pegged it in the legs." [OPNO glared at him which he took no note of.] "No, A VILLAGER got his leg impaled when the cow stampeded."
OPNO [eyes wide, spoke the following gravely, and drily (dry as unbuttered toast)]: "I'll tell [insert sister's name] not to set the cows free in [insert MOP's village's name]. Seeing as their freedom means a fearful, torturous death, and the possible impalement of Omani villagers."
MOP [laughed at OPNO]: "You're the one who wanted to spend Eid in the village."
Eid Mubarak, and as always, the Shebab and their culture
Ahhhhh, my stupid firewall no longer lets me upload photos.
Belated Eid Mubarak AND National Day to all followers and stumble-upons.
So news, I have none for you, because as a good Omani girl, lol, I am rather out of the loop without my shebab's constant updates, which kinda sucks. They'll tell me if a hurricane is coming and what colour of alert the ROP is on, but other than that, they respect/fear my husband too much.
Which is kind of funny. Since he encourages me to be in the loop, as long as I talk to no one about personal things or meet face to face.
Which reminds me of a thing another Omani blogger and I were talking about, to do with our shebab pre-marriage.
We both talked about how much the guys really helped us out (the ones who just wanted to aid a sister in Islam not date her or coerrce her into marriage). How they'd give us money for little things, and we'd both be like, "I'm good. Wallah, I don't need it." And they'd be like, "take it, buy yourself some perfume." Cuz you know, any GCC girl WOULD DIE without her perfume, LOL!!!! But we girls, surrvivors that we are, can live without perfume. We wouldn't shrivel up and die without it, nor start to reek.
If we ever took the money, you'd bet we didn't buy perfume with it. Or a new crystallized cover for our laptop, lol.
Anyways, hmmm, let me think if I can think of anything else interesting to write about?
I want to do an Islamic via cultural post on abuse in Islam. But not abuse of women.
Drat! You Islam haters MUST be disapointed.
No, a post about abuse BY MOTHERS, on their children, in a society that regards mothers with the highest form of respect (higher even than husbands and fathers). I know men that have been abused by their mothers, and daughters, and in this culture, it is almost always, "under the feet of the mother is paradise". Which is true, in Islam, but that doesn't mean a child deserves to be kicked and stomped on (litterally) by an mentally disturbed Mother's feet. But I'll do that post soon.
So, on that (rather disturbing but very media-culture in tune note) I shall leave you now: to be continued.
Belated Eid Mubarak AND National Day to all followers and stumble-upons.
So news, I have none for you, because as a good Omani girl, lol, I am rather out of the loop without my shebab's constant updates, which kinda sucks. They'll tell me if a hurricane is coming and what colour of alert the ROP is on, but other than that, they respect/fear my husband too much.
Which is kind of funny. Since he encourages me to be in the loop, as long as I talk to no one about personal things or meet face to face.
Which reminds me of a thing another Omani blogger and I were talking about, to do with our shebab pre-marriage.
We both talked about how much the guys really helped us out (the ones who just wanted to aid a sister in Islam not date her or coerrce her into marriage). How they'd give us money for little things, and we'd both be like, "I'm good. Wallah, I don't need it." And they'd be like, "take it, buy yourself some perfume." Cuz you know, any GCC girl WOULD DIE without her perfume, LOL!!!! But we girls, surrvivors that we are, can live without perfume. We wouldn't shrivel up and die without it, nor start to reek.
If we ever took the money, you'd bet we didn't buy perfume with it. Or a new crystallized cover for our laptop, lol.
Anyways, hmmm, let me think if I can think of anything else interesting to write about?
I want to do an Islamic via cultural post on abuse in Islam. But not abuse of women.
Drat! You Islam haters MUST be disapointed.
No, a post about abuse BY MOTHERS, on their children, in a society that regards mothers with the highest form of respect (higher even than husbands and fathers). I know men that have been abused by their mothers, and daughters, and in this culture, it is almost always, "under the feet of the mother is paradise". Which is true, in Islam, but that doesn't mean a child deserves to be kicked and stomped on (litterally) by an mentally disturbed Mother's feet. But I'll do that post soon.
So, on that (rather disturbing but very media-culture in tune note) I shall leave you now: to be continued.
Monday, November 8, 2010
BABY CRAZZZZZZZZZZy in Oman!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!
Why is it, that the first question people ask you when you get married in Oman, is, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN?" And on top of that "HOW MANY?" [BTW, all above pictured except the onsies is from Zara home, kids]. 
Serriously guys, chill. Why not ask, um, well, "have you and your husband managed to mesh your different cultures or ideas? How do you both veiw family and children? What are your long term marriage goals?" ect.... Children seem to be veiwed (in err) as relationship cement in Oman, and they are NOT. To use them as such is a MISTAKE. Marriage should be the foundation for family, not children and babies as the foundation for MARRIAGE.I know soooooooooooooo many newly married Omani couples who have kids within the first 6 months of marriage, and guess what, DIVORCE. Try to be married AT least a year people, until you are sure you LIKE your spouse, before having kids, please.
I want kids. I am ready for them. Financially, best I wait maybe another year, but, well, really, it is not the first thing I am thinking of, yet if you are newly married in Oman (and a woman) there is a HUGE pressure to pop out a baby in the first year.
I think it kinda insane, especially with the majority of Omani fathers not being able to devote alot of time to their kids soooo...
Sorry to rain on your parade any inlaws prospecting the effectiveness of my fertility ratios ect, but I am leaving that a mystery. I fully accept that I may be veiwed as faulty if I don't manage a baby by next September, MOP, lol. I promise I can handle that with sass and a wink;****
Sunday, November 7, 2010
OPNO hates... this style of decorating, ick:p
I really, really hating overly guilded furniture in a faux-french setting, ie the Arab home. It NEVER comes across as classy to me, but reminds me of a badly staged soap opera about catty rich & famous that I'd be ashamed to watch (good thing I don't other than in arabic, which I don't understand, so when i translate, it is more SCRUBS than whatever Kuwaiti drama about a stolen dress it happens to be in actuality).
I must admit, the majority of classical furniture in Oman is of this kind, so it IS part of the culture, but I don't like it, nor do I accept it. I don't know why but OPNO finds it rather preposterous and strange. And usually it is not complete, the gilded furnished room has a fan beating overhead, not a crystal chandelier. Or the gilt furniture has a cheap plastic-y looking brocade on it. Egyptian and Kuwaiti soap operas, here we come, imitating a commercial Arab pop culture.
Some people see all that marble and guilding as lux, but I see the maids and the cheap fabric on the couch pillows, and I don't see it as anything close. Luxury is effortless, and comfortable, in order to be just that. Elegance is refusal, not ostentation. And I am no minimalist.
But when your entire house is covered in marble like below, it kind of looks like a bathroom. No offense. Just my ignorant, NOTREALLYOMANI opinion.Saturday, November 6, 2010
Throwing a Divorce Party in Oman: A social faux pas or...something needed to change the system
Do people ever really read the advice written in their wedding cards? I mean, before they are going through them, trying to decide what to get rid of and what to keep because they are now trying to move on from the point of divorce? 
Holding one such wedding card right now, they write some PRETTY GOOD advice in there, those folks from Hallmark. EX 1: “If you treat eachother kindly with compassion and with trust, and always let your tender feelings show… If you understand your differences, respecting who you are, and put eachother first in all you do… Your marriage will be beautiful, a reason to feel proud, a special source of love your whole lives through.”
I just read Victoria’s post on marriage in Oman here http://sultanatesocial.blogspot.com/2010/10/divorce-unfortunate-phenomenon.html and the resultant comments, and rather than comment directly, I decided to use my thoughts on the subject as fuel for a new post.
Andy wrote a comment on Victoria’s post asking the question; “Can’t we condemn divorce but not the divorcee?”
ISLAMIC STANDPOINT ON DIVORCEThis is actually the practice in Islam, because God/Allah states that divorce is the most hated to Him of all the practices legal to mankind. Unlike Biblical Christianity, which states, “what God has joined let no man tear asunder” Islam allows divorce, yet at the same time, it is hated by God, which means it is to be avoided under all circumstances. In Islam, a woman is allowed to divorce a man simply for the reason on never being able to be happy while married to him. [This means, she cannot be happy with him under any circumstances not that she may or may not be happier with another!]. But Islam does not dictate that the divorced man or woman are hated by Allah, as Zayed, one of the first Muslims, was considered one of the best of the Muslims, and Zaenab, Zayed’s ex-wife, after her divorce, became wife to the Prophet Mohamed (peace and blessings be upon him), and thus one of the examples to womankind as to how Muslim women are to behave. Also, Jameelah bint Ubayy (a wife of the Prophet S.A.W) after her divorce from Thaabit ibn Qays Ibn Shammaas, shows us that divorce [hated by God/Allah] does not taint the divorcee should there be a reason for the divorce.
OMANI CULTURAL STANDPOINT ON DIVORCE
I am a divorced woman living in Oman. Divorcees aren’t very highly thought of in Oman, though all my Omani friends who were aware of my marital status were very understanding about it and never treated me any differently, and it actually never DID affect me remarrying (I am relatively young and childless). But those same understanding friends, and some suitors, despite their PERSONAL acceptance of my being a divorcee, issued the following advice upon hearing of my sorry state and elaborating on how great I am despite: “…but don’t tell anybody.”
That’s just it. “Don’t tell anybody.”
My question. “Why not?”
Why should I hide in secret that I was married before, hmmm? Marriage is halal, divorce is even halal. I mean, it wouldn’t EXACTLY be the first thing I’d bring up in a conversation with people, but telling the story of my life, or thinking about getting married again, it would actually be practical to get it out of the way. It would be lying to keep that from a potential husband or even my close friends.
So my Omani girlfriend S was horrified when I told her I was going to throw myself a “Divorce Party” [a common practice in my home country]. She pictured a bunch of women dressed in sweatsuits and/or pajamas dresses angrily playing pin-the-tail on the donkey (or darts) on a blown-up picture of the ex, and burning all the pictures of him and his clothes, then going out shopping maxing out his credit card.
Maybe you want to do this if you ex is a adulterer/cheater, I don’t know, but personally, that really wouldn’t help me get over a cheater if I loved him. And as a Muslim, that’s really not what I’d be ALLOWED TO DO to the worst of men.
And my ex husband wasn’t a cheater or a bad guy at all. In fact, he was and remains a very good man, and great man, just not MY man, and that, not without a lack of trying on both our parts. Sometimes, some things just aren’t meant to be, the situation or what both parties need in life, is not the same, and one cannot compromise their ideals for themselves.
I loved my ex husband. In fact, I still love him. I will ALWAYS love him. I was, at one time, absolutely certain that I would spend the rest of my life with him, and I never pictured that maybe one day we would not be able to speak or see each other and share what touched us in our daily lives.
So there is a little problem with that. #1 being that despite all that love and the good times there is the terrible heart-wrenching pain of not being able to work it out, and #2, well, the fact that I am, well, married now, to someone else.
Someone else. Who I love. Who loves me despite the fact that HE KNOWS I was married before, and am still deeply in love with my ex-husband.
This of course, drove him incredibly insane, him being Omani.
Omani men who ARE okay with marrying a divorced woman often expect the woman they marry to be able to pretend that she never had another life before him. I was unwilling and unable to do this. It lead him to tear up some of my wedding photos in a bit of a rage, unable to understand how I could not let the past go.
‘But the past is part of who I am’… I remember thinking in my defense in the middle of that first fight. ‘I wouldn’t be the same woman in a position to make her marriage work NOW had I not had the experiences of my marriage before.’
A woman really cannot be in love with two men at the same time. It NEVER works out.
THAT is WHY a divorce party.
A divorce party isn’t really a party but a social situation for the man or the woman to deal with everything they need to in order to move on, and to have social support while they do so.
My divorce party did involve comfort foods. It did involve one girlfriend. The plan was to get rid of what would forever hinder any chance of moving on, and to transform anything painful into only good memories, letting the bad ones go.
First up was to transform the wedding album into a divorce album. Thinking of divorce as a chain of events that has now brought me as a woman to a new beginning with new life knowledge, this meant editing a lot of chain events forever commemorated on film. Being married also meant getting rid of pictures of the ex husband and camouflaging the album from being anything “bridal” and “special”.
Weddings photos are special because we generally like the photos of ourselves from this special day. I began by cutting out all the pictures of my first husband that were easy for me to do so, throwing out anything I didn’t want to keep, keeping ones of me with family and friends, and trying to keep all face shots of my first husband to give to him. The goal was to make a new album showing how much my family and friends loved me and were with me and how nice I looked and how happy I was, remembering only happy memories of my first husband remain without his physical presence.
Some photos though, ones with romantic feeling attached to them, I could neither bear to cut nor to throw out. It would also be cruel to give them to husband #1, so I did the next best thing. I gave them as a gift to a mutual friend of ours who regards the day as one with her friends, and not with any pain. I had to get rid of them, but I could not destroy them, nor could I change the feelings conjured by them, so I passed them on to someone who could value them without keeping me in the past at dangerous times in my new relationship.
When I was finished, I felt healed a little, for I had not belittled or disrespected any memories of him, but I had kept only those that were not painful for me (and were appropriate) for me to have.
Now, I understand, a lot of Arab men would not tolerate ANYTHING from their woman’s past, but I explained to H that I kept nothing of a romantic or even friendship related nature, and kept only those of a familial nature.
I thus edited my closet and other processions the same.
I also wrote myself, the way I had my wedding vows, vows for how to love and make a relationship a success in the future, from what I had learned in the past.
Then, having concluded my divorce party, I dressed in a fabulous new dress, and ate a small wedding cake with a group of girlfriends. And my cat had the yummy whipped cream.
I still love my ex-husband. The way that I love him is from everything good in the past and nothing can take that (nor should take that) from my memory but severe blunt trauma to the head, which I DID recommend to H, should he not be able to cope with this fact. I offered him a very solid assa to swing at me. H called me “Majnoonah” as per usual. All I could do was get rid of everything painful that kept me from experiencing everything happy in life, and everything of a romantic nature.
1.) To my first husband, some people will say we married too young. Had we never married though, and we married right now, I believe I’d make the same mistakes, if I had not had the opportunity to learn from the ones I made while trying to be married to you ;)
2.) To my husband H, to erase the past because you think I will have less room in my heart for you, is to change what made me have that heart that you desire so ardently in that first place, and is similar to implying that Allah made a mistake to write things as He writ. Believe ME, I HAVE NO INTENTION of rewriting my past with you, but I don’t believe in book burnings either;) *******
3.) To the people of Oman, and indeed, the world: Divorcees do need recognition and support, not to be hidden and discriminated against. If divorce itself is to be hated, help PEOPLE overcome it, do not keep them in a state OF IT. They were married before. Would you rather they just went about fornicating and never marrying in order to learn the lessons needed to make a successful relationship in society? Really? If they tried, help them to try again anew.
I could summon many of Victoria’s points on how to avoid divorce and reasons not to divorce, things I have learned from BEING PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, but most people learn best from their own mistakes and life experiences, but valuing marriage, and valuing the people in the marriage and their aspirations even BEFORE marriage, are the most important. Realize what a GIFT LOVE IS, and don’t neglect a MOMENT of it from mention and your attention because it can fade the moment we become lazily unaware or ungrateful of its blessed state in our lives.
Of all the gifts bestowed by God/Allah (or how you want to word it, as I am a Muslim, this way is the only one allowable for myself) love is the one we have the least choice in, and it cannot long exist by our individual will as human beings alone, but requires the efforts and desire of two souls and sometimes the aid of communities and families. Love is not at all times 50/50. Sometimes it will be 10/90 [like H when he first met me, giving it his all, and me being kind of hard and cruel] and others it will be opposite [70:30] because people go through things in life. But be aware of what the person you love can take. Love that can last forever, CANNOT take forever, forever.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Omani Culture: Turn off your headlights
Apparently, it is part of H2B's Omani culture, that when driving at night, and you see a man and a woman together in a car driving towards you, you turn off your headlights, so you cannot see the man's wife. Out of respect.Regardless of whether this results in you taking the wrong turn around some date plantations and getting exceedingly lost.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Last post of the day: marriage talks break down after OPNO told to walk behind a man
I was about to get all feminist the other day during my marriage negotiations. I was about ready to burst out into the lyrics of a popular country music song that goes like this:"I want a man that stands beside me!/ Not in front of or behind me!/ Two arms to hold me/ Not own me/ I want a man who stands beside me."
...Since well, I was told that I would have to walk behind my husband in certain places in his village.
I was righteously angry.
What kind of sick man thinks a woman needs to walk behind him?
I was about ready to break off the marriage right then and there.
He figured that out pretty quick and was like "NO! In some places we'll walk side by side. Its in the wadis and mountain Habibti." He laughed. "There's snakes. Men go first so women don't get bit."
Whose arguing with that now? I'm totally not. I'll let him do it with sharks too, if he wants to.
So shows you a valuable lesson about marriage I suppose. Let the man finish his sentance before divorcing him. Or un-fiancing yourself.
And for those of you who missed Steve's posts and transportation in Oman cartoons he started a new blog up about Life in Singapore so enjoy http://www.103degreeseast.com/.
Conversation Between H2B & OPNO
H2B: "With anyone from my tribe you can't..... bla blah blah blah."OPNO: "Mmmmmhmmm? [Skeptical eyebrows raised]. Boqh." [Arabic equivelant of ''blah blah blah' meant to denote a lack of caring for what the person you are speaking with has said].
H2B: [exasperated] "I don't really care but you will if you become the only thing all your neighbors are concerned about. I won't hand you tissue when you are balling your eyes out if you bring it on yourself."
OPNO: "You wouldn't love me if I thought it is was right to act the way you want me to act."
H2B: "I didn't say you were wrong or that I don't agree with you, but women don't wear colour, they dont wear make-up, they don't move too quickly, or talk when men can hear them in my tribe and that's just how it is. I don't want you to get hurt so we can live wherever you like but if you want to live with my family... [He bites his lip, and looks like he is thinking really, really hard].
OPNO [to herself, silently]: 'He doesn't think I can do this!' [to H2B] "As long as I complain as much as I like I will act however they like, WHILE LIVING THERE. You want me to change the system anyways."
H2B: "When you have enough respect from them to do so, yes."
OPNO: [narrows her eyes at H2B] "Will that be, like, when I'm eighty, and I am waddling around, and everyone younger has to listen to me out of respect not because they care to hear me at all?"
H2B: [Laughs at an unconvinced OPNO] "InshaAllah not that long. Like when you are thirty."
OPNO: "Thirty is AWFULLY old." [I am grouchy and stressed and have not the will for witt.]
H2B: [glares at OPNO, I guess you readers can guess his age]
OPNO: [using the usual Omani way of trying to un-dig the hole one has dug one's self into] "...for a woman." [OPNO does not really believe this, she is just a brat].
[On a side-note]
OPNO: "I have changed my mind. I am going to dress in the traditional dress of my city." [To be brat for a little while longer].[H2B knows it is similiar to the above dress pictured]. [H2B grows very excited].
H2B: "That would be-! I would wear my traditional dress [think Lawrence of Arabia robe, but black, with silver sword and dagger, and camel stick] and you would wear yours. I love it."
OPNO: [not what she had been expecting] "So we look like the old 1930s movies, like that Rudolph Valentino one where the Arab dude and the British chick want/hate eachother until the point they make out in the sand with camels as a backdrop? [skeptical] Or Rachel Weisz from the Mummy movies, or Candice Bergan with Sean Connery playing a very Scottish Berber?"
H2B: "You kind of look like the girl from the Mummy movies."
OPNO: [glares]
H2b: [being a brat] "I can find us some camels in Barka if you want to take pictures!"
OPNO: "."
To all loyal readers who give a damn, please vote on the poll on the sidebar. And the "sheikh" was a very inaccurately costumed Orientalist extravaganza silent movie, as pictured below:
To all loyal readers who give a damn, please vote on the poll on the sidebar. And the "sheikh" was a very inaccurately costumed Orientalist extravaganza silent movie, as pictured below:
And I do not resemble Rachel Weisz in the slightest regard!!!!!!!!! Or do I ;D
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Omanis and Reading and History
OPNO [amazed by something she has found]: "Do you KNOW how OLD these books are?! These are close to the advent of Islam in Oman. These are litterally the handscribed first edition of the ancient fiqh texts!"Omani friend: "Uh huh."
OPNO: [trying to elaborate her point] "These should be in a museum or something."
Omani friend: "."
OPNO: "I am serrious. You have NO IDEA how valuable these are to historians and religious scholars. They need to be preserved, studied. Have you ever even read them or taken them to somewhere where they can preserve them?"
Omani friend: "I know what they are about but my education was mainly Qu'ran and how to read it. My father went blind before he could teach me fiqh [jurisprudence in Islamic law]."
OPNO: "Oh, I would cut off my right hand to be able to read and understand these. You CAN! Do you know how... Oh, I forgot, you hate reading." [Sighs, hand reaching and hesitating before touching the crumbling manuscripts, the like of which she has only seen in archeology departments, in the conservation rooms].
Omani friend: "I love that you like reading, and that you know more about my history than I do."
OPNO can trace his lineage back to the founding forefather of the Shiekhdom. She knows about all the local tribal feuds and the system for dividing up water, and all the times the Portuguese came, and how the power fell away from his people to the Saids ruling now. He thinks it hilarious that these things interest her more than how a date tree is grown to perfection, or the best swimming places in the mountains.
I am CONSTANTLY exasperated by Arabs that aren't interested in their own history, which is very rich in achievements in social and gender equality, science, and art. I get very upset when I see a family breaking down their old house and building a cement monstrousity on top of it. They don't understand what they are losing.
There is still one old man in my friend's village who knows how to make sarooj for building the traditional houses. I want to learn from him, but the village has lost its own history of what women in Islam are allowed to do, which is study and work from and among men. This is the problem with forgetting our pasts and thinking the future is all that counts.
OPNO VERSUS MARRIAGE: personal contemplations, or making a list, as Audrey always suggests
In order to get married, things OPNO must change:
- Dancing, skipping, running, when she moves in public. Apparently, this is not an Omani girl thang to do, and I do it without even noticing. It is because I used to be into a semi-artistic/graceful sport once upon a time, a lifetime ago, I fear.
- Caring about any of the guys from her past, even in the way of old friends. Hard one. Tricky. Some people you can not talk to for over five years and they can take on look at you and know exactly your life story since you last spoke and exactly what you are feeling when they see you. Can you ever really cut that? I can cut communication, I can cut seeing, but the feeling of knowing them is not something I can touch really, or pin down. Can one? Or do you just pretend it isn't there and lie about it?
- Laughing in public and talking so loud. Yes, Omani girls are quieter. Also, smile less. This kills me a little inside, to have to check my own nature but it part and parcel of fitting in some cultures. There are times and places for showing your bra, and a laugh can be like a bra, so some Omani ladies have explained it to me. I guess so.
- Some places, some villages, some restaraunts, even if I have no one to take me, I shouldn't go by myself. HOW I REBEL AT THIS ONE. I honestly DON'T care what a bunch of men (who likely have paid for sex from some prostitute or had many haraam girlfriends think of me for deciding to go get my curry from a coffee shopor a pepsi from the corner store. Islam says A WOMAN CAN GO OUT FOR HER NEEDS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG with these guys that they can't think of anything except that a girl who likes pepsi and curry is easy. Dear God. Ya Allah.
- Keeping any secret from one's past to one's future husband BEFORE marriage. After that, never, ever bring up anything. Yeah, I kind of have this thing that on you are married to, he should be the one you don't have to guard your tongue from. Guarding tongues causes alot of marriages in Oman to be completely void of cnnection that men go seeking for in other women OUTSIDE OF THE MARRIAGE. Must grasp a balance in this one I think.
- After marriage, not telling relatives or neighbors about my past (since everyone is going to wait for the Western girl to screw up and assume she already has).
Is this anybody's idea of happily ever after? Is no wonder I am scared and wondering STILL at my age?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Dismal Smiles in Muscat
I know alot of people comment about the lack of customer service friendly smiles from check-out girls in Carefour and other retail joints across the country.
I must say something on that in defense of Omani shop girls on subsistant wages across the country:
Well, let me tell you, having been raised a super-friendly bubbly social creature, trying to unlearn my overtyly friendly demeanor is part of me now going for a pass at being an Omani lady.
And honestly, I never have a problem with lack of smiles from customer service persons. They always seem to smile at me. Because I am not threatening and no one that veiws their smile at me will see it as threatening. But I can tell you why they don't smile.
An Omani girl's smile or overt friendliness can be taken as a sign from Omani men as something other than customer service and enjoying her job. So alot fo Omani girl learn to reign that in.
As I am being taught to. Thankfully people forgive me for my lack of skill at this, because it amuses them.
They, being in public, have to keep that up all day, and with women they usually act super loud and talkative for sure, but in public it is hard to jump between the two roles all day so they stick with one. It isn't meant to be unfriendly to women. Just smile harder at them, and as bored as they in their jobs, as strict as they are in their trying not to recieve any note from the fellas around, they'll smile back.
Just alot of time in and out of this culture between the guys and dolls talking is all.
All the best;)
I must say something on that in defense of Omani shop girls on subsistant wages across the country:
Well, let me tell you, having been raised a super-friendly bubbly social creature, trying to unlearn my overtyly friendly demeanor is part of me now going for a pass at being an Omani lady.
And honestly, I never have a problem with lack of smiles from customer service persons. They always seem to smile at me. Because I am not threatening and no one that veiws their smile at me will see it as threatening. But I can tell you why they don't smile.
An Omani girl's smile or overt friendliness can be taken as a sign from Omani men as something other than customer service and enjoying her job. So alot fo Omani girl learn to reign that in.
As I am being taught to. Thankfully people forgive me for my lack of skill at this, because it amuses them.
They, being in public, have to keep that up all day, and with women they usually act super loud and talkative for sure, but in public it is hard to jump between the two roles all day so they stick with one. It isn't meant to be unfriendly to women. Just smile harder at them, and as bored as they in their jobs, as strict as they are in their trying not to recieve any note from the fellas around, they'll smile back.
Just alot of time in and out of this culture between the guys and dolls talking is all.
All the best;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
