OPNO wants to... slap somebody at the office

Everyone in Oman that I know seems to have a maid except for me. I could have one. I can afford it. But I don't really need it, so I just go, 'nah'.

But what I really need to do right now is go slap some guy.

K, first off. Dear blog audience, let me tell you 2 stories, and YOU TELL ME, when is it okay to slap somebody.

Story #1

There is a pretty young American girl working for my company. She's the one who makes minutes for the meetings, distributes the faxes to the right people, edits company documents. Outside of her working time, she met an Omani guy for coffee. Whether or not one can judge this Omani guy's intentions [I usually go for the worst 1 year into the country now], she likes him, and they go on dates. This does not interfere with her work at all, and actually, no one can prove anything at all that they've kissed or slept with eachother ect, only that they had coffee once. He is not a co-worker, she's always been the MOST AMAZING person in the job that we've ever had. Also, she is also that one at your company, that if any of the women working there had something bad happen in their personal lives, that they go to. Say their husband was divorcing them, or their dog or cat got run over, she was always the one who'd make extra time to console and offer advice so the others in the office could get back to business as usual.

But what do these co-workers, her office family do, when one day, her boss comes up to her and slaps her hard across the face, leaving his handprint there, do?

They laughed. They actually laughed.

They laughed because the boss said to her after he slapped her, in reference to the Omani guy she had coffee with because she was lonely and far from her friends and family, "You came here to work, not make a slutt of yourself. Your behaviour damages the company reputation."
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End of story number one: PLEASE NOTE, STORY #1 is just to make the GCC ARAB audience THINK of maids differently, as people.

Now my question, being that girl's behavior did not hinder her job, and thus, should not leave her accountable for the company itself, can I slap the crap out of that guy?

Can you say, that a company has the right to control what she does outside of her working hours providing it is not breaking the laws of Oman even if she might be hurting herself and doesn't know it?

If you are one of those who said, slap the crap out of the dude, and, of course not OPNO, let me tell you story number #2, story like it really happened:

There is a decent looking young Philipino girl working for a maid agency. She's the one who runs after the children, changes their diapers, cleans up after the entire family, cooks everyone food, and still has the patience for kisses and hugs during tempertantrums. She is also the one that female family members go to for some kind words to cheer them up when something bad happens in their lives. Outside of her working time, she met an Omani guy for coffee. Whether or not one can judge this Omani guy's intentions [I usually go for the worst 1 year into the country now---and if I was her family, I'd go slap the Omani guy or demand he offer to marry my maid if he wants to court her since this is actually a requirement of HIS religion], she liked him, and they met twice. This does not interfere with her work at all, and actually, no one can prove anything at all, that they've kissed or slept with eachother ect, only that they had coffee twice with lots of folks around. Unlike some other *BAD* maids I've known, the Omani guy is *NOT* the husband of the Omani woman she works for. She isn't hitting on family members. She is lonely, had a horribly hard life, and hopes that some decent, kind, well-off stranger may marry her and save her children back in Philipines from a life of poverty. Which is similar to what *ALOT* of Omani women I am friends with dream of too BTW. She isn't doing anything that deserves a whipping in Islam such as fornicating (you need a witness to that) but nonetheless, she is returned by her "family" to the maid agency. But a "family" member half-laughs when they hear that...

The boss at the maid agency slaps the poor miskeen girl hard across the face, saying, "You came here to work, not to make a slutt of yourself. Your behvaiour damages the company reputation."

END OF STORY #2.
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CAN I SLAP THIS GUY?

Can SOMEBODY!

Because somebody should. Slapping a woman is like, the lowest of the low, unless of course, it is me, OPNO, slapping you dude first and for no valid reason, then, btw, hit me back, I am up for it.

But I doubt she insulted you crimey maid service operator. She never hurt you at all, or even her family. The only one she COULD HURT was herself in this case.

I wanna slap him sooooooooo bad. Just cuz you own a visa doesn't mean you own a PERSON. They have hours and beyond those working hours, and WITHIN the laws of the country, their lives are-and SHOULD BE-their own.

The girl deserves to find her Prince Charming, albeit, I TOTALLY don't think the coffee Omani dude was that, more like your run-of-the-mill wolf in sheep's clothing, but I mean, every girl deserves that.

And before you accuse people of bad things, think about it. If this girl WAS a Muslim woman, yeah, she shouldn't be dating. But does she REALLY have a family to match-make for her back in her home country???? {the maid in this story I knew personally, her intentions would ONLY BE honorable, even if she trusted the wrong man, as women are wont to}

And if she was NOT muslim, is it any way YOUR right to blame her for ANOTHER Muslim's (the guy she went on the date with) behaviour?

Actually, I know alot of maids in Oman, that married good, decent, previously unmarried husbands. If you are a Muslim family, SHAME<> on YOU for NOT WANTING THAT FOR YOUR MAID.

So I soooooooooo totally want to slap the guy that slapped the maid at the agency.

But I know, he'd probably get me arrested if I slapped him.

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You mean, OPNO, the ROP TOTALLY CONDONE phsical abuse of women?

Well, in the cases of maids and some other imported workers, dear readers, I will tell you how Omani minds work on the issue, and dearest, beloved Omanis, who I esteem and love for all the good of you, and wish to change all that is wrong with you, do not take offense.

To Omanis, the maid, regardless of her religion, is usually seen to be a member of the household.

That means, that while she is most often not TREATED as a female family member, she is expected to behave like a female family member.

If a female family member went out on a coffee-date with an Omani guy, her brother might slap her.

This, to the ROP, is a "it's for the family to fix it" kind of thing. Most Omanis get it, even I do. I don't think it's right, I mean, go slap the dude she was with too, if you wanna be fair and just ect... but if the Omani female family member was lonely, and wanted to find her Prince Charming, her Omani family would help her find someone good ideally, someone who would not take advantage of her.

This "family member" per se maid is not treated as a family member in the same regard. She is often not regarded AT ALL socially, so her lonliness, and often the poverty-stricken circumstances of her life, are even worse, and yet no one worries for her finding something better in life. She is treated thus, as an object on loan from the maid agency, not truly a family member.

So I don't believe "family" justice should apply to maids in Oman AT ALL.

I should TOTALLY be able to SLAP that dude that slapped the poor maid.

What would I have done? I would have taken the girl aside and warned her about men that use women, and then I'd endeavour to see if the Omani coffee date was serrious or not, and if not, I'd help her to find a real, decent man who could help make her life better.

But then, I treat maids as people in the first place.

Understanding Islam Today: Traditionalists, Reformers, and Revivalists

This post came about from an argument between MOP & his wife, an OPNO, about women praying in the Mosque with no barrier or wall between the women and the men of the Mosque. As an expat, you'd find a men-only Mosque totally sexist. I assure you most adamantly, I do too, and find this story most amusing, and to the point about the state of discussion that intellectually we are in today, regarding the religion of Islam, whether one is Muslim or not. If you are an Omani, you may be on either side of the fence with this one, or trapped, like MOP is, in the middle, behind the barrier, and for knocking it down.

So unto the tale:

Being that we were all about on a road trip, we were unable to pray in our individual houses, which is what is BEST/EASIEST/NOT A SIN for women (not men who are not travelling---for men who are not travelling it is a SIN/NO REWARD not to pray in the Mosque). Muslims get this belief that prayer is allowed/better for women in their individual houses, because the Prophet Mohamed, peace and blessings be upon him, told Umm Humayd Al-Sa`idiyyah "A woman's prayer in her house is better than in her courtyard, and her prayer in her own room is better than in the rest of the house." (Chain of narration recorded by Abu Dawud).

MOP's wife reasoned that this is because she can concentrate better on her personal connection with her Creator in her own home and she is physically very safe there. And that women being allowed to pray at home and not having to go to the Mosque as something that is compulsory for them, was a gift from their Creator, making their faith easier to maintain in the days when there was no brith control [for example, women & men were discouraged from bringing children to the Mosques that would interupt or hinder the worship and spiritual/intellectual development of others'] . MOP's reasoning was that it hard for men to have that same connection to their Creator when a distracting woman is in the Mosque with them, and that if something is not done in the culture, it is merely best to avoid things that are sinful, and that it is not sinful for a woman to offer her prayers in a place that is not a Mosque.

You see, dear readers, this whole argument came out from the fact that when we had stopped on our journey, we did indeed find a Mosque, but we could not find one that had an area purposely for women. Mosques in Oman usually have an entirely closed off seperate area for women to pray in. This Mosque it seems, at least in terms of the culture, been built soley for the use of men.

Now had there been such an area for women, I doubt MOP's wife would have argued very much. There are many advantages to a closed-off women's only area, such as being able to adjust and re-adjust one's clothing, and them not having to worry as much about the Islamic requirements for their clothing, or even breastfeeding babies (not something you do while YOU pray, but something that can be done in an women-only side of a Mosque, and not something SO easily done when prayers are preformed by both the sexes together, and that, when a Mosque is mixed in terms of sexes, the Mosque purely becomes a learning and religious center for women, not a social one, whereas informal socialising may take place easily on a women's only area of a Mosque.

The important factor in the tale I am about to relate, is that in this case, there WAS no seperate women's area, but there was indeed a Mosque. And, in Omani culture, this Mosque was used only by men.

As MOP's OPNO would argue, a Mosque is built for Islamic culture, not any nationalistic culture, and the rules of the Mosque are the rules of the religion, not those of the place where a Mosque happens to be built.

Since there WAS a Mosque, albeit, lacking a seperate woman's prayer area, my dear friend and I had concluded that we would pray in the Mosque, rather than outside the Mosque.

MOP wanted us to pray outside.He was more than willing to pray with us there.

To sway his mind I said the following, quoting a saying of the Prophet Mohamed , peace and blessings be upon him: ""The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “If people knew the reward in praying Fajr and Isha together in the Mosque, they would go to the mosque even if they had to crawl.” And the chain of narration is recorded by Bukhari & Muslim. And the Prophet didn't just say 'if men knew, he said 'if people knew' meaning women too."

So MOP related the hadith/saying about women's prayer being best in their homes. To which is my friend intelligently replied: "Habibi, we are far from our houses. But we do have a Mosque. The hadith does not say, 'it is better for women to pray in the courtyard of the Mosque than in the Mosque'. In fact, Allah [God] made it perfectly clear that women are to attend the Mosques in that the Prophet Mohamed told the men "Do not prevent the female servants of Allah from entering the House of Allah [i.e the Mosque]" and from many sayings of the Prophet and historical records, we KNOW that women among the BEST generation of Muslims prayed in the same room with the men, no barrier between them, albeit, in very modest dress void of perfumes, and in the back rows so that guys couldn't check out their butts." She was smirking.

MOP of course, knew it was perfectly halal for women to pray in the Mosque, and that we were all Muslim women dressed in a manner to attend any public event in the presence of men but he reasoned that since it was something regarded as outside the culture, it was ALSO perfectly acceptable to render prayers OUTSIDE the Mosque, and less trouble to do so.

WHYYYYY were there seperate prayer areas for women in Oman? both my friend AND I enquired of poor MOP.

MOP said, because it was hard for men to concentrate on their prayers with women in the room.

Why was this, all OPNO girls wanted to know (even the non-Muslim one) when the men among the earliest Muslims managed to, without treating the women like meat?

"Because it is a corrupt time for Muslims" MOP helplessly cited, which brought about the true reason for this post.

"More sin now than before?" my lips curled into a sneer at that line of reasoning. MOP's wife and I are of western education, and both spent time as Muslims in the West. This line of reasoning annoys the heck out of us, because all [well, in Islamic scholarship anyways] Muslims believe that Islam as evidenced in the Qu'ran and practiced/explained by the Prophet Mohamed was the perfect example for all Muslims, for all times.

My girl, picked up from there, as it WAS HER husband afterall. "So you would reason, that we should leave off what was done by the Prophet, because what he left us with isn't good enough? That Islam should be CHANGED to meet these corrupt times?"

Of course, that is not what any decent Muslim Omani man could mean, but that is where his kind of reasoning leads. It leads to Muslims in the West who openly reject the things in their religion that don't so easily fit into their modern lives, like the jilbab and khimar, which takes the form of the black abaya and headscarf, that few Omani men like MOP would want their sisters and mothers and wives to reject. Yet in the West, my friend and I have seen it. Women say, it may be in the Qu'ran as a command, but it doesn't pertain to today. Well, there was no requirement of men and women praying seperate BEFORE but there is today. Same reasoning, opposite lines of the spectrum.

"What harm can come from you praying outside the Mosque?" MOP asked his wife as she shouldered her way past him up the steps of the Mosque as if she couldn't hear his question.

On our way there, an Omani boy, ten years younger than myself, tried to stop us, saying there was no women's Mosque. He did not know, that is was allowed for Muslim women to pray in a Mosque, so long as they did not wear perfume, and did all their Islamic requirements in way of public dress, and did not use the Mosque for purposes other than prayer and reducation from Islamic lectures. He did not know, clearly, that it is a SIN for a man to forbid a woman from attending the Mosque.

MOP prayed in front of us, we prayed in the back, and another Muslim man, who knew enough of Islam to calm the Omani boy down about us women being there, prayed on the opposite end of the Mosque from out party respectfully a small ways in front, as men are to do in the religion.

When we left the Mosque, OPNO belonging to MOP and he to her respectively, answered his question.

"The harm does not come from praying in the Mosque or outside it, but it lies in your reasoning, and what that reasoning allows us to forget. That boy no more knew what was allowed, than he knows why it is not allowed. Your reason, that it makes men uncomfortable, is not a reason in Islam, as Islam allows women to go where it is necessary and even pleasing and certainly beneficial for them to go. The women of Sahaba [the first Muslims] interacted with men in Islamic capacities where it was halal [not sinful] and beneficial for society for them to, in education, business, and religion. The danger, and it IS evidenced IN OMAN for our Western/Convert eyes to see--- by the way, is that when you seperate us from the Mosque, men stop seeing us equals in the religion, and more as meat. You see us as mothers maybe, and wives, at best, and at worst... If men cannot behave as the Prophet himself behaved at the Mosque, than they have no means of being there either."

MOP regarded her desperate plea, and assured us he was on the same side, and wanted very much for these things to be changed, but didn't want his wife to be the one to do it, in the manner that she did.

But then who is to to do it? We asked? Who is to change it? We all agreed, seperate areas for women had their benefits, and women enjoyed them, but that some women suffered from their inability to approach Imam's weekly or daily with questions, or to recieve the same education and information Muslim men recieve from attending the Mosque regularily.

MOP even admitted to us, that in his village in Oman, women do not come to the Eid prayers, when praying the Eid prayer in congregation is CUMPULSORY on muslim men AND WOMEN, even women who have their periods, ect...

That is the danger of reforming/pseudo reviving of Islam. You lose the right legality, and the true message of it, whether the reform is in a liberal or a conservative direction.

Which brings me to:

Today, there are, intellectually, 3 different ways of studying Islam, no matter the sect or manner of jurisprudence within those sects.

Now I am stealing these definitions, credit to sister Nida, from her blog http://theidealmuslimah.blogspot.com/2010/12/revivalists-vs-reformers.html, and she's stealing it from Abdelwahab El-Affendi ;):

TRADITIONALISTS
Definition: Those following traditionally approved approaches and methods of interpretation, and basically handing down what has come from before in the same manner as before. These do not wish to update Islam, and seek to do what has always been done ie come to the same conclusion. *many intellectually documented ways of studying & viewing Islam are reform or revival based Islam passed down in the manner of traditionalists but those same types of intellectual Islam would not necessarily BE traditionalist in nature*

REVIVALISTS
Definition: Revivalists distinguish themselves from traditionalists by redefining the tradition into purist terms, while the former tend to accept the traditionl more or less in the context as it was handed down. The purpose of doing so it to impose an idealizized idea of Islam, with a tendancy to instrumentalize religion and to define their movement sociologically, rather than theologically. This can be done in either a very conservative or very liberal manner.

Mr. Abdelwahab El-Affendi's conclusion of this movement in terms of discussing Islam, the same as, and so much more eloquently expressed than my own: "Their version of instrumentalized Islam is spiritually, artistically, and humanly impoverished and narrowly partisan.”

REFORMERS
Definition: Reformers differentiate themselves from Revivalists by interrogating the tradition in more radical ways. Seeking to exploit the differences and conflicts within orthodoxy to eliminate or discredit those aspects of the tradition that have become difficult to defend in the modern era, selectively picking and choosing from various accepted authorities to support their modernizing (usually liberal, but not always) agenda.

This approach seeks to work within the confines of orthodoxy while working hard to redefine it. It attempts to develop a radical rereading and reinterpretation of traditional Islamic sources by adapting traditionally approved approaches and methods of interpretation.

Ultra-radical reformers launch a frontal attack on traditionalism, sometimes advocating treatment of the Qur’an as a “human” text and using the tools of modern literary criticism to decipher it.

Mr. Abdelwahab El-Affendi observes that "such a deliberate drive for a reformation... is based on copying another (Christian) experience in another religious tradition in another era is condemned from the start to the loss of innocence: it is no longer religious reform but social engineering and intellectual tinkering.”

Mr. Abdelwahab El-Affendi wrote, that while reform of Islam is much applauded from non-muslims in the West, that they should be cautious in this as well: “The efforts of U.S.-based Muslim intellectuals to undermine Islamic authoritarianism could warrant an “even more ambitious agenda following up on changes in Islam’s ideology with changes in leadership and religious practices.” Much justifies these ambitions, but ambition must not be allowed to shift to illusion. To move from a valid appreciation of the increasing importance of the intellectual contributions of Western Muslims to a “wag the dog” theory that ascribes to them a leadership role in religious reform may be as misguided (and as dangerous) an illusion as the idea that creating an American colony in Iraq would be an advertisement of America’s love for democracy and an inspiration for freedom lovers throughout the Muslim world. Both illusions spring from the same quintessentially Western overconfidence, even arrogance, of which Muslim Westerners are not immune.”

I wholly agree, as a Muslim who lived in the west, letting the likes of Tariq Fatah and Irshadd Manji speak for me, and represent Islam, is misguided. Though one MIGHT say, the same reform movements exist in Egypt, ect.... to quote Nida who'd say it like I would but better;): "What defines 'progressive' islam is a distinct Western liberal ideology, so anyone ascribing to this ideology, be they American or Egyptian or whatever, is elevating Western ideology above tradition (a universal set of moral and ethical values). I believe the reason why the progressive ideology is popular in places like Egypt is due to the deep rooted colonial and neo-colonial legacy. It is mostly people who have been 'exiled' from their countries and had a 'Western/European' intellectual upbringing who are the leaders of this particular movement."

But that does not mean, living here now in Oman, that I am free from the influence and power of such misguided reform movements. As this entire post has been an example of, the same line of reformist thinking exists heavily in even Arab culture.

as Nida pointed out, what some call 'revivalism' is in fact reform: "changing the religious interpretations to an idealized modern vision of what they believe Islam looked like at the time of the prophet (peace be upon him)", regardless of whether or not that vision is based on the classical interpretations of Islam. "As per the mosque example, according to the classical texts women used to pray directly behind men, and now they are being boxed away into small corners of the mosque and encouraged to pray at home. The argument that is being used to justify this practice in some mosques is that "today there is more fitnah/sin"; therefore implying that we have to re-interpret Islam for modern, albeit corrupt, historical time period."

People have to be aware of where their ideologic reasoning leads them, same as when one studies socialism/fascism, two spectrum of the same reasoning spectrum.

I myself, do not support a reformation of Islam but a reformation of self, and the only revival I engender, is one of knowledge and awareness.

Cultural Observances: from the inside of Omani daily life

I remember my Omani homegirl R saying, and I quote: "You'd love Omani culture less if you were actually Omani."

And classic KH: "Trade passports? You love my country, take it. I want out."

It has always GREATLY amused my Omani friends that I love things from Omani culture that they are slowly rejecting, such as regional dress, certain handicrafts, Omani history, Omani stories, ect... and I had always thought it was very foolish of friends like R & KH to reject their culture for my highly commercialized, melting pot one. Well, not mine familially (as I have a very colourful family who have never quite been amalgomated into their society), but mine nationally anyways, just to add for clarification.

But now, from within the culture, I begin to understand why R favours jeans over sirwaal, and rejects niqab [the face veil], and why KH is so disatisfied with his role in society and longs for the advantages of freedom depite having to do barely nothing to subsist in Omani culture.

From within the culture, that I still love, I know all the things of the culture, good and bad, that cannot be so easily rejected and set aside. KH & R cannot do anything other than what is the norm in their famillies. They wear Western clothes, eat Western food, don't know alot about Oman, and the good things about it, and I hate this.

But I begin to understand the act of rejection as a means to protest the things that they wish they were able to reject.

Dhofari girls that happen to write about rejecting the niqab (face veil) don't really reject the niqab as the Islamic message it represents. They represent their lack of choice with the niqab of the symbol of their ignorant or uneducated relatives. This confuses expats, causes controversy in the Muslim Ummah, but at least, now I get it.

KH wishes to abstain from the wasta system. He longs for an Islamic (not Omani) marriage.

R also longs for an Islamic marriage. She longs for the time when an Omani woman doing something not sinful and even good for herself even if it goes contrary to the norm in the family will not be considered a crime in the society worse than adultery and murder. R admits if she murdered someone, her family would probably forgive her and support her, but if she chose to marry someone of the wrong tribe name, she'd be out in the cold and called "siflah" an arabic swearword similiar to "b*&^" but meaning "one who has gone out". The same thing would happen to her is she supported another family member doing the same.

Now that I am within the bounds of Omani society, and fall subject to the laws and traditions of MOP's tribe (apparently, if I drive a Mustang, I'll be a "bad girl" lol :XD same goes for a sporty jeep or wearing a colourful headscarf in certain village places) I find my powers to reject things to be limited in some cases (not by MOP himself) so I fight for things that are NOT important.

I never really desired to wear open style abayas at all. Not really my fave style. But I found myself fighting for the right to wear them even though it was not important to me.

Or hearing an ignorant Omani saying "9/11 was the Jews, and I hate America" and only able to give "Palestine" as a reason for that when I ask them why.

Not aware, apparently, that the Turkish Caliphate allying itself with Hitler not being half the reason, or that the Cheks armed Israel in its early days, not the USA, ect, ect, ect.

Read Bernard's "The Crisis of Islam" to understand better. Decent book, though he misuses the term "Wahabi" quite extensively. He means "Saudi jurisprudence" not exactly "Wahabi". Anyways.

I have realized, that fighting for things that are not important to me is hypocritical. Just as hypocritical as my friends, who I had judged as foolish for rejecting the worthy things in their culture and societies, who do not rebell against the true causes of their discontent state in life.

So while I will continue to fight, embracing everything in Omani culture that is not unislamic, I will not fight just to prove I have fight in me. No success or change or even satisfaction can come from that, just exhaustion.

Personal Reflections on Addictions

I had two previous addictions, both of of which I have happily kicked. This was preIslam ya'll, and I know people say, don't reveal your sins, but that is sins that can make people attack Islam or make one look bad, and these can't anymore. Really, sometimes, I have found, it helps other people to know that one isn't perfect, and you have gone through things they are going through, instead of being this cold, distant, monument of perfection. Which, only an idiot, would have EVER ever ever have maybe for AN INSTANT imagined this of OPNO lol.
a. I used to be a bit of a lush. No one even knew this was a problem for me because I have always been the social butterfly, and no one ever seemed to notice when I was drunk or not because I was the girl who'd always dance and say her mind. Plus my general social environment almost encouraged drinking 24/7. But I admit, I was spending quite alot on expensive liquors, and told myself, that since they were at least classy drinks, I didn't have a problem. If I started drinking crap, then I'd seek help. But since the money never ran out, and people always thoughts I was fun, I didn't have a problem.Due to alcohol being forbidden in Islam, I kind of managed this one cold turkey, with albeit, one minor slip up in the Bengal Lounge where they made champagne icebubes. Hey, if you are going to slip out but only once, you might as well do it royally. I honestly don't miss pork and alchohal at all, since in Oman, they make things that taste like pork porkless (such as pepperoni, jello {who'd of thunk?}, and hawaiian pizza), and the only thing I ever crave is red wine, which, I overcome with Ben&Jerry's and an amazing assortment of fresh fruit juices. My health (and wallet) have never been healthier. The Bengal Lounge was never cheap.
b. I was a bit of a shopoholic. I would lie about how much the things I bought cost. I would hide credit card reciepts. But since I was always relatively well paid this never seemed to effect me at all, unlike Carrie Bradshaw "If I don't stop shopping, I'll end up a bag lady; a Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady..... "-- Carrie from Sex and the City. But it truly was an addiction, as I have come to define an addiction as something one depends on to deal with the bad things in their life, instead of finding a way to get rid of those bad things, or change them to good. In the words of Shopoholic character Rebecca Bloomwood: "When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again." If you feel that way about ANYTHING, you kind of have an addiction.
Addictions can be used in a positive manner. Ie I turned my shopping addiction into a career for a while, and that way, it didn't interfere with my daily life, but then, when I'd dealt with the underlying issues causing me to depend on it as a stress outlet, I got bored, and one could say, better. I still use observing beautiful things and inpration sites as a destressor. We all use our minute addictions to elp us through the grind, but I no longer depend on this visual stimulation and creative expression to solve whatever caused me to be upset in the first place. Here in the Gulf (Oman tends to fare better in general due to Omanis not being as rich and affluent as some of their neighbors per the general population) I see alot of women addicted to shopping. They shop to control their boredom which come from having no role. We get up, we eat, we take care of the kids, we take care of our husband (ie maritial relations), and we have no goals, no aspirations, no hobbbies. THIS CAN DRIVE ONE TO ADDICTION.

A similiar thing happens to alot of expat wives in Oman, and some of them pick up shopping and others alcohol, as the drugs of choice to deal with boredom, lack of personal direction. Just wanted to say to any woman out there going through this, find something that interests you that you can build on, and deal with whatever it is that makes you unhappy, and you're life will get richer.

RANTS: I am not a "maid" person

I don't hate people who have maids. I really don't. My SIL's do. My mother does. I grew up with what people in Oman call a houseboy. I just was the kid who hid all my dirty laundry from him because I didn't want other people to do my dirty work for me.And I have never gotten over a group of girls [of my social strata one could snobbily say in the "local" UAE lingo] in the UAE talking about choosing a maid like buying an animal. "Make sure their nails are clipped" "never let them go out on their own or have a cell phone or wear make up or dress themselves". And get this, the poor non-muslim maid did not want to wear a headscarf.
Well, you know what, in Islam, unless she IS a Muslim, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the religion. You can make her, but you are an idiot to do so. Ask her. Present her with options. She is more likely to do so then, and know what, maybe even CONVERT if you treat this non-muslim entity in your employ with ALL her rights in YOUR religion. Duh. And besides focussing on the hair covering part (which denotes that you ARE a believing Muslim woman, obedient to God, not your employer or husband or any fashion whim), why not simply try for more modest clothing. Which to me is a great alternative, and if you let the maid have a say, you'll both be happy. I GUARANTEE you, your male relatives and inlaws are waaaaaaaaaaay more likely to check out her body shape than her hair, so if you're really worried about that, ask her to be respectful in THAT regard. Your religion might not MEAN anything to her. Hijab is hot and if you aren't doing it for God, don't bother. Try a breezy hat instead as a compromise maybe?
I once asked a maid why she didn't become a Muslim since she believes in Islam. Her answer: "I've worked for people who pray five times a day and are the most evil souls alive."And you don't own a maid, even if you sponsored their visa. It is a job, just like anywhere else. Which means you can't yell at them, abuse them, tell them what to wear and where to go on the hours they are NOT working. And fulltime in Oman, DOES NOT mean, NEVER HAS A BREAK OR DAY OFF. It means so many hours a week, not to exceed such and such a time without compensation in extra salary.

"but if you spoil them they'll get lazy!"

Treating them like people ISN'T spoiling them. Letting them form their own lives and be a human being is not going to make them a crappy worker. I know. People in our employ ALWAYS went out of their way for myself and my family.

My SIL just tried to talk me into getting my husband to get me a maid. He already offered. I was like, "Don't I make the house nice?" He's like, "Beautiful Habiti." And I am like , "And don't you love my cooking [of course, when we don't dine out]?" He's like "mmmmm." So honestly, I don't really want another woman taking care of my children if I can make time for them, or serving my husband food or drinks, or washing his car, when those are thing HE CAN LOVE ME more for. I'd make an exception if I was a super important business woman/or dignatARY WHO HAD TO ENTERTAIN alot, and leave the home, so the children were alone for five hours at a time (I don't want kids if I have to leave them alone longer than THAT). But I am not. So. For now the answer is "NO".

I don't need a housemaid.

I also don't need to hear from bored housewives (who do nothing for their children OR their house or their husband but SHOP) who want to complain about their maids. Serriously. One more complaint about a decent human being who works harder than you ever will, and I will kill myself, or pay your maid's salary to live in Philipines and take care of her OWN children and family.

Really. And I could afford it, so friends and relatives of mine, watch out.

OPNO is stubborn beyond reason, as you already know, and to make a point she does some pretty drastic things.

The "Idiot" and the Administrator: Quote of the Day

MOP to OPNO last Wednesday: "There was an administrator coming to assess one of the schools' teachers and his car broke down, so he was running very late. He took it to every garage to fix it but no one knew what to do. This little local boy kept following the adminstrator around saying he could fix the car, and at first the administrator laughed, like, there is no chance, but the boy said, give me some water and this tool and five minutes. The administrator let the boy, who'd followed him around all morning, and to his surprise, in five minutes, the car was working again. It then occurred to the adminstrator, how lucky he was that this boy was around, since usually boys this age would be in school at that time of day, so he asked the boy, 'why aren't you in school today?' The boy said:

"There is some kind of administrator coming to our school today, so my teacher sent away all of the bad students."

The boy grinned to denote his status as one of the stupid ones, which clearly, he was not.

The administrator was rather pleased his car broke down that day and asked the boy "what is the name of your teacher?"

Buying a Marriage on the Blackmarket

In Oman, and some other Gulf countries, it is illegal for the men who are citizens of that country, to marry women other than those who hold the same passports as themselves. Omani men can only marry Omani women. But there are those who take wives in secret from the government, as in Islam, it is allowed for a Muslim man to marry any Muslim woman regardless of her citzenship. They either found an Islamic and brave Imam who cared more for the religion than keeping his standing job position in the country [as all Imams should be] believing that only God/Allah can make things lawful or unlawful for the Muslims, not countires. If he believes other than this, well, he is not a Muslim, because it is a form of shirk/disbelief in God) to make unlawful something God has made lawful for mankind.

Please Omantel don't block me, this is true.

But most recognized Imams in Oman are cowards. No offense guys, but you are. And some of the ones left over, are creeps.

This post isn't about the cowards. Cowardice I get, I understand it. It is a sign of weak faith but I don't hate on that. Most men are cowards, husbands, even are the same. Omani girls, who don't go against their families wishes to marry the kind of man they wish to, even though it is halal to, ect... Cowardice I can live with, and just pray for ya'll to have your faith and hearts strengthed.

But creeps.

Any Imam (usually in charge of the Mosque's prayers) will know that selling things from the door of the Mosque is not allowed. The Prophet Mohamed (peace and blessings be upon him)said, “The most beloved places to Allah on earth are the Masajid, and the most hated places to Allah on earth are the Markets.” [Muslim] and “Whoever sells in the Masjid, say to them: May Allah not grant success in your sale.”

This is nothing new to people who worship and believe in God, Jews, Christians, and Muslims.

"And Jesus [Muslims call him Isa A.S] went into the temple of God [Muslims call God 'Allah'], and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves..." King James Bible, Mathew 21:12 Making sales or a business out of the Mosque is forbidden. But, some Imams are making a small business out of black market secret marriage. The average cost for a secret marriage in Muscat is 300 OMR-1000 OMR. BTW, my marriage wasn't that secret or black market bought. But a friend's story inspired me for my novel. I'll write it better but concept goes like this.

Couple seeks out an Imam they hear is willing to marry couples in love without Government permission. Imam informs them that he will marry them, but he is going to charge a "danger" fee for himself and the "witnesses" (and he's only willing to have witnesses he trusts. This is more more money than the couple has, more money even than the girl's maher (marriage dowry from the husband to her) though she offers it up to the greedy Imam.

The brave Omani man wanting to marry the girl gets an idea. He says he has the money but will have to drive to get it from the bank machine but the Imam and the witnesses can follow their car after the wedding. Imam agrees and calls his two "witness" thugs and gives the young couple their Islamic marriage document so they can preform hajj together. The Omani man takes his nervous bride and new wife with him in the car and the creepo Imam and his thugs follow close behind. The Omani man makes a salary of 270 rials a month and the girl's maher was one silver ring and a rose in a traditional box, plus 100 rials. They don't have the money in any bank machine.

The Omani man drives a certain way that he is familiar with and hails down an ROP cruiser that is always parked there and makes like he will tell on the blackmailing Imam and beg mercy from Oman's laws from the ROP guys [who probably disdain the law themselves, as many ROP men that I know have secret marriages to Philipino Muslim girls]. The creepo Imam freaks and takes off, afraid of losing his job. The Omani man then asks for directions in a touristy way to the slightly suspicious ROP men. After that is finished he turns back to his new wife and says:

"The Prophet Mohamed sallalahu alahi wa salaam said, "Whoever sells in the Masjid, say to them: May Allah not grant success in your sale."" New wife laughs nervously. "-And don't you think we said that the best way possible?" He grins.

RANT: #1 thing I don't like about Oman

Some Omanis (GCC Arabs in general) treat me better than an

IndianPakistaniIndonesian

Malaysian

or Philipino

Muslim women. Who are sisters to them in the religion.

Even when I was a non-Muslim.

Why?

Because they think I am better than those other women, by virtue of race. That THEY are better by virtue of race and cultural entitlement. When their religion would say they are the same as a creature that lives in dung.

" ...People should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of hell-fire. If they do not give this up Allah (swt) will consider them lower than a lowly worm which pushes itself through khur (feces)." -The Prophet Mohamed, peace and blessing be upon him [abu Dawd and Tirmidhi].

ANYONE who thinks like that, whether they are from my country, the Gulf, Asia, Africa, what have you, MAKES ME SICK AND ANGRY. Especially if they are presenting themselves as a Muslim.

ANYONE WHO ACTS THIS WAY IS A POOR MUSLIM, because Islam says:

Surat Al-Hujrat, verse 13, reads: 'O mankind! We have created you from a single male and female and made you into nations and tribes so that you may know each other. The most honorable of you in the sight of Allah are surety the righteous." (Al-Hujurat: 13)

Allah also says in the Qur’an: "O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women.” (An-Nisa’: 1)

The Prophet Mohamed (peace and blessings be upon him) declared: "O people! You are all to Adam and Adam was made of dust. No Arab is to be preferred over a non-Arab except by virtue of his piety." In another hadith, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Allah does not look at your images or your colors but He looks at your hearts (intentions) and your deeds. Creatures are the dependants of Allah and the closest among them to Allah are indeed the most useful to His dependants."

In practice, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) had among his closest Companions Salman the Persian, Suhaib the Roman, and Bilal the Ethiopian. Two of the three Companions were ex-slaves who were liberated after embracing Islam, namely Salman and Bilal. Despite this, and in spite of the black complexion of Bilal, he was chosen by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as the first muezzin to prayer, a position coveted by many. As a matter of fact, senior Companions like Abu Bakr and `Umar used to call Bilal 'our master', and the Prophet himself used to say: 'Salman is a member of our family.' It was not, however, an easy task to cancel racism in Islam. But every time it rose its head the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to give the Muslims an important lesson. Thus when his Arab Companion Abu Dharr called Bilal 'son of the black woman', the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) got angry and told him: 'You are a man who has ignorance in him.' Abu Dharr felt such a great remorse that he put his cheek on the ground and asked Bilal to tread on his other cheek if he’d like to.

I love Oman more than other GCC and Arab countries like Jordan, Syria, UAE, ect because the unislamic form of Nationalism isn't very much present here, but racism remains.

The Quran Says :
3:103
"And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allâh (i.e. this Qur'ân), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allâh's Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islâmic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allâh makes His Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided."

Q.3:105
"And be not as those who divided and differed among themselves after the clear proofs had come to them. It is they for whom there is an awful torment."

So to those brave women in Oman who defend the maids and workers, who are kind to them, and stick up for their rights, and to the one sis in Salalah I know who sits with her families maids, and is sweet to her, I love you. Allah increase you and keep you, ameen.

Omanis and Reading and History

OPNO [amazed by something she has found]: "Do you KNOW how OLD these books are?! These are close to the advent of Islam in Oman. These are litterally the handscribed first edition of the ancient fiqh texts!"

Omani friend: "Uh huh."

OPNO: [trying to elaborate her point] "These should be in a museum or something."

Omani friend: "."

OPNO: "I am serrious. You have NO IDEA how valuable these are to historians and religious scholars. They need to be preserved, studied. Have you ever even read them or taken them to somewhere where they can preserve them?"

Omani friend: "I know what they are about but my education was mainly Qu'ran and how to read it. My father went blind before he could teach me fiqh [jurisprudence in Islamic law]."

OPNO: "Oh, I would cut off my right hand to be able to read and understand these. You CAN! Do you know how... Oh, I forgot, you hate reading." [Sighs, hand reaching and hesitating before touching the crumbling manuscripts, the like of which she has only seen in archeology departments, in the conservation rooms].

Omani friend: "I love that you like reading, and that you know more about my history than I do."

OPNO can trace his lineage back to the founding forefather of the Shiekhdom. She knows about all the local tribal feuds and the system for dividing up water, and all the times the Portuguese came, and how the power fell away from his people to the Saids ruling now. He thinks it hilarious that these things interest her more than how a date tree is grown to perfection, or the best swimming places in the mountains.

I am CONSTANTLY exasperated by Arabs that aren't interested in their own history, which is very rich in achievements in social and gender equality, science, and art. I get very upset when I see a family breaking down their old house and building a cement monstrousity on top of it. They don't understand what they are losing.

There is still one old man in my friend's village who knows how to make sarooj for building the traditional houses. I want to learn from him, but the village has lost its own history of what women in Islam are allowed to do, which is study and work from and among men. This is the problem with forgetting our pasts and thinking the future is all that counts.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: it has to do with hand chopping & Muscat Confidential so it's a must-read

"...In Islam, we'd cut off his hand."

"In Oman, we make him retire with benefits, then hire him back on as a consultant."

Me and a friend (who happens to be the son of an Imam/religious scholar) were having a conversation around the time that the illustrious [not to all my friends though lol, I am the traitor yes] Muscat Confidential wrote this post http://muscatconfidential.blogspot.com/2010/08/oman-prosecutes-muscat-municipality.html.

From Muscat Confidential:

OK. I'm back. Pretty busy, but lets start off with a great story in Times of Oman (yes, really). Finally the well known story of the Muscat Municipality Finance guy who was busted forging cheques to himself has hit the papers.

I find it still a bit strange that Omani custom and defamation law means its not allowed to publicly name people after they have been found guilty of a crime (or in this case, admitted it). "It would bring shame on the family". Well, maybe it should? Perhaps if people knew that their father would be scorned at the mosque on Friday they would be less inclined to defraud the people of US$3.35 million? Or of committing any crime? Still, progress.

My friend and I were discussing Islam and culture, how Oman isn't an Islamic country and somehow this post came to my head, as we were talking about how a strong punishment is a good detrerrent for a crime, ie how chopping of the hand of a thief is a way to make less people steal. This was in the context of us talking about a crappy law in my country that made the death of a family member of mine by a drunk driver a no jail-time, no loss of lisence, and a measily 30 rial traffic fine. Which the drunk-manslaughterer bragged about.

My friend was like, harsher fines lik the 7000 rial average in Oman, would result in less drunk drivers. I agreed. But then I brought up up MC's Ministry of Manpower embezzlment story.

Omani friend laughed. We'll call him The Imam's Son. Thus I bring to you our quote of the day:

OPNO: "You know, in Islam, we'd cut off that guy's hand for stealing? And you and I are both cool with that. 3.35 million is something you can't steal without meaning to. It's not like he can say he's a klepto as a defense. Klepto's steal pens, and the office stapler, not 3.35 million. 3.35 million is a machine to save 100s of lives in a hospital. It is checking against abuse of illegal immigrants, less rapes, workers with visas. You can call me a beast, but I am a patriotic Muslim. In Islam, we'd cut off his hand."

The Imam's Son: [with a derisive laugh] "In Oman, we make him retire with benefits, then hire him back on as a consultant."

DAILY DIARY: This Month is PINK for Cancer Awareness

As Andy in his awesome blog post Cancer in Oman pointed out, this month is for cancer awareness the world over, and that cancer is growing to be one of the major killers in Oman.

This same month back in my home country, Muslim girls raise money and awareness by wearing pink hijabs (and face veils).
Oman is trying to raise awareness for early detection of cancer (especially breast tissue types) through the National Cancer Awareness Center http://www.ocancer.org.om/aboutus.aspx. Oman is unique in the world for breast cancer occuring in very young women (pre-menopausal) so regular examinations are recommended twice yearly for Omani women over the age of 18.

Thank you Andy (really) for the following social calendar event.

Andy: "If you have the time and money, why not support cancer awareness by attending this special event, Parampara, at the Al Bustan Palace this coming October 21st?

RANT I'VE ALWAYS MEANT TO MAKE: Not a Real Omani

This is a rant I've always wanted to make.

How come anytime an Omani (and you can prove he is an Omani, not an Indian or whatever) does something screwed up, another Omani will always: "well, he's not a real Omani." As if that will make it better.

I've had people imply to me that when I saw girls going to nigh clubs (Omani girls) it was because they were Zanzibari. They weren't, but hey. When I can prove that someone is not Zanzibari, say, like, they are from Sharqiyah/Sur, well, it is because they are Bedu. Or their ancestors mixed with Africans. Oooookaaaay, some of the bedu have been the nicest ever but what do you know? And skintone denotes nothing of societal behaviour (from an all-white town with gangsters and thugs that would be toted as educated British in Oman due to their accent and skintone by some, I LMAO at that.).

But you know what is EVEN MORE screwed up? If I CAN 100% prove the doer of wrong is Omani of Arab-Yemeni descent, like, in Nizwa back thousands of years, someone WILL STILL SAY to me, he's not a real Omani. His great great great great great great grandfather was only a maker-of-such-and-such and came from here.

A REAL Omani is a citizen of Oman. [OPNO is only Omani in her heart and soul], and real Omanis can do some pretty screwed up things too, so why don't you just apologize instead of saying they're mixed with slaves or lawatti or bedu or whatever.

In my country (the one I am a citizen of but abandoned because I love Oman more), when my people (same passport as me) threw boiling water on an Arab-looking woman in a headscarf, I felt shame, the deepest shame. I personally, before Islam, and definately after, would NEVER ever do such a thing or ALLOW another to do so. But still, I wanted to say sorry to the girl on behalf of my people, on behalf of my county. I didn't say, that idiot wasn't as [insert nationality] as me. I can say sorry.

And like Omani standards, when people refer to me, they usually refer to me as a "real [insert nationality]" from a "good family". I laugh at that. My people took the land from the natives, and yes, archeologically, remains indicate people were there before even them, and then the British took it back from us, and we integrated and built a Capital city, ect, ect, but none of that matters. None of that MAKES ME ANY MORE A [insert nationality] than a Chinese or Bangladeshi man who swore allegience to my country the same. (Less, actually, they swore allegience, and I was born expected to carry on that way. One means a hell of alot more).

I know I don't have to be sorry, but I am. I am sorry on behalf of my country. I am deeply, deeply ashamed of the silent racism in my country, which I never saw until I put on a headscarf, decided to dress modestly, and to say to hell with you to the racists, wore niqab. It RIPPED ME APART from THE INSIDE to see someone taunt a woman walking down the road by herself, threaten to rape her if she didn't take off her clothes (her face veil). Tell her she's ugly because she covers her hair. DEEPLY, FOREVER SCARRED WITH SHAME. Not afraid of that man, I would have spat on him and ripped his eyes out, for sure, if he tried to take from me my right to practice my beliefs. But ashamed of myself, because by a passport I am related to him. I may have been the woman told to "go back to her country" by some fool, but that fool is my brother in the nation, and so his actions make me ashamed. That shame is part of the reason I can't stand my own country anymore. When I see wrong in Oman, it does not cut me the same, because these people still don't accept me as "their people" though I love them in my heart more than they can imagine.

As a Korean, far more [insert OPNO's nationality] than me once said to me in terms of the individual citizen and value of a Nation's population "It is one grain of rice tips the scale."

The "real" Omani loves Oman and all the people in his/her country. Where they are from, doesn't make them "any less real" to him or her. Their actions affect the whole of the country, for better or worse. The "real" Omani, to me, is the one that realizes this, and act accordingly.

RANT: I can't marry her in Islam because I slept with her

from the Shebab:

OPNO and random nameless Shebab are discussing marriage (not TO EACHOTHER!!!). Shebab says to OPNO he's only loved one girl before, but he can't marry her.

"Oh no!" Goes OPNO mentally. What other retarded cultural Omani crap (high maher, not the right skintone, not the right tribe last name) was she about to encounter?

None.

Shebab: "I can't marry her, because I am Ibhadhi [sect of Islam] and our tasfeer [understanding of Qu'ran varrying from sect to sect] says that a man cannot marry a woman he's slept with before marriage."

OPNO looks confused, but she knows exactly which part of the Qu'ran that tasfeer could come from.

"OPNO: "Because the Qu'ran says the "pure men are for the pure women and the pure women for the pure men?"

Shebab: "Exactly."

OPNO: [raising one eyebrow]. "Who are you going to marry then? A virgin?! Or some chick your friends have slept with already? I may be Sunni, but that verse is kind of obvious. That means YOU (definately not pure dude) can only marry a woman same as you. Um, the girl you loved? She'd BE that. Anyways, why do you think the ROP sometimes "force" couples caught fooling around into marriage anyways?"

Shebab looks at OPNO and wished her the best (or better) in her love life, and absorbs her thought, as strange as it is.

I don't know about the other Muslims out there, but this is strange one to me. Since I am not Ibadhi, what is a man supposed to do who had premarital sex (besides be flogged)? The Qu'ran does not allow him a virgin, and this interpretation allows him not even the girl he slept with, so is he supposed to marry a girl someone ELSE slept with, and the girl LIKEWISE? Sounds stupid to me. Sorry. Explain it if I got it wrong.

Can't Deny It: Statistics put Omani Disabilities AWFULLY Low... Soooooo

A SHY REBELLIOUS ARAB GIRL just wrote this well-timed (for me personally) post For the sake of Dhofari Blind Girls! and I relate alot to it. Studying the MOH (Ministry of Health) 2009 report, Oman has pretty low cases for disabilities, and a MIRACULOUS almost non-existant percentage of children born with autism.

NOT.

As the government is well aware, Omani families just decide to hide the fact that children are born with different gifts (and different difficulties) than the social norm. There is no shame in these things, and denying an illness will cause MORE ill than treating and recognizing them.

I support awareness of disabilties, research dedicated to, and know from personal experience of having a family member born with a disability, my family member ROCKS, and I am proud of her. So what if it takes her twice as long to learn and do things as me. It has taken alot of time, and alot of patience and treatment, but when she does things now, she does them BETTER than me.

For those in this society who'd hide their sons or daughters, know you are HURTING your family more if they don't get the education that would help them BETTER your family, or the treatment to help them help you.

A Shebab-less OPNO? Oh NO! And cheating, from the male Omani perspective

I have alot of Omani guy friends. Correct that. Had. Sweetness of Salalah will be proud of me, but I have gone back to my Islamic self (with the exeption of still listening to music) and that means I have bid adieu to my shebab (the guys I knew before and after Islam here in Oman). Most of them totally understood and respected the decision, especially on the last note no Omani guy can argue with:

"I want to be a good muslimah like your sisters in Oman."

Even if his sister is a total you-know-whatever he'll never argue this point on you.

Anyways, I'll still get my newsfeed from them, [and yes B aka L I changed my GSM because a new life requires new fittings and that international text message was from Princess] because two have guessed OPNO's identity. WHO KNEW YOU READ ENGLISH A & Y!!!!!!!!!!!! AM soooooooooooooooo proud of YOU!!!!!! A, much love. Your kind words of encouragement meant the world to me. And Y, of course, if you want your CD back, you can come visit for that at least once more. I kinda forgot to give it back to you. And now you don't know my phone number:( M: you know what you meant. I wish you the best.

I still of course, also get to relate the many entertaining cultural bits we exchanged over the years, me and my shebab.

One was four different Omani guys (all of which I love more than breath) and their takes on cheating. Here goes:

1.) KH and L and I were discussing cheating. L is like Princess (maybe she is an OPNO too??????) and KH is an Omani guy who I'd die for. Yes, really I would. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY?!!!! All the Omani shebab of Ras Al Hamra wonder? That is for OPNO to know, but he was her bestfriend.

L and OPNO asked KH what he'd do if he ever caught his wife cheating or in love with another man. If she was just in love with another man, his first instinct would be to make get the other man the only way he could, through her, managing her body and her life. OPNO reminds him this wouldn't fix things. He knows that, is just what he'd do. If his wife physically committed adultery and left him for another fool? He'd let her go. The two girls nodded, thinking how far from their expectation of his countenance this would be.

But this last part left L and OPNO with their mouths agape.

KH: "But if she ever tried to come back to me I'd kill her with my own hands."

2.) There was an Omani girl the boys all went to school with India. She had a boyfriend. Everyone knew it, except her cousin back home she'd marry. Before the wedding she had hymen repair surgery, married the guy, and then went right back to her boyfriend. She got pregnant NOT by her husband. The kid looks nothing like the husband but none of our shebab (who know) have the heart to tell the guy because he loves the girl completely and thinks she was only ever his. Better not to know is the mass consensus.

3.) One of the guys I counted as the bestest of the best of the Omani guys I know (still do, I prefer to think the best;) ) he's given up on marriage, because one fiance played him for a fool. Now he takes every girl as maybe cheating on something or another, even if she loves him with every breath of her being.

4.) One Omani man from Al Batinah, he loved a girl. Proposed to her after two conversations, went against his family... he loved her that much. Realizing how much he'd have to sacrifice for her, she decided to break away, because she loved him. The only way to do this was to have a secret from him so terrible she'd never be able to tell him or marry him bearing the burden of it in silence. She she decided to sleep with another man. But the Omani man from Al Batinah, he came to her home the night she was with the other man, and heard her making love to the other man. He saw and heard her with another. Yet, to this day, he loves her, and forgave her, and they are married now. Like KH though, his first reaction was the same. She was pregnant within the first month of marriage.

To all my Omani male readers: what would you do, what is your opinion, since, cheating [it IS] so prevalent in Muscat?

A TALE OF CORRUPTION

"Stop talking to her. Don't ask about her. They know everything about you."

Over mint Morrocan tea oured from ahigh into rainbow coloured glasses from an embossed silver pot, a glazed look comes over his eyes as he sits with OPNO.

OPNO is shaded by a tassled curtain in one Muscat restaurant, hidden around the corner from prying eyes. He sits her here purposefully, as he is always protective of her, this Omani man, disguised as he is in Western clothing, afraid that she talks too loud, afraid that her actions attract attention. He knows she was once a writer, and he has read all her works, but what he doesn't know is that she writes this blog.

OPNO isn't an attentive person by nature. She isn't a good listener. She doesn't like to sit still or be quiet, but something haunted in that man's eyes, something of a distant guilt, makes her sit back quietly and sip her tea. Trading secrets for secrets, they talk about women bought and sold, of freedom, and of threats from afar. OPNO knows this story. She too once knew a woman, a group of women, she couldn't save. If only she'd spent less money on souvenirs, she could have saved more... But this wasn't her story. It was a story about an Oman she hadn't known for a long time.

OPNO's companion tells that once he knew a Morrocan girl who was a dancer, and not a very good one.

The girl had just come from Morroco, signing a contract for 400 OMR/RO so that she could feed her family.

He knew she was different from her actions. She could not leave her work and accomodation. And she was not being paid her salary, despite having paid for own visa and airfare. Her boss, a dirty man, gave her the option of switching her visa to another man for another line of employment, which she was no longer naive enough to hope well of.

In case you do not know what I am speaking of, the girl was going to be sold to some influential but heavily corrupt members of Omani society with too much wasta for even OPNO as protected as she is in her present sphere of influence, to write the names. May Allah curse them!!!!!

And the man who fears for her without knowing what she does and what she knows, made OPNO promise not to ask for them or speak them if she guessed.

The Omani who earns OPNO's respect and admiration further (as undeserved as OPNO is of any confidence or respect from this man) went out of his way to find the poor tricked Morrocan girl a respectful and decent job (not that as a dancer to be sold into nigh prostitution) and went to her wicked boss with the money to buy her freedom.

Attempting to do so, he was turned down, then threatened, and his family. He was told to forget the girl, forget the place, forget the names. But he could not forget.

The girl was smart. She went back to Morroco. True, she left with less than she had come with, but she escaped. Now, she does not have enough to feed her family, but she is not a plaything for sale to some of our rich and corrupt and evil beyond measure in Muscat.

Now things like Morrocan slippers and djellaba, takchita, and mint tea in jewel-toned glasses bring unshed tears to OPNO's confidante's eyes. He thinks he is wicked for something that was not his sin.

OPNO, who does not touch hands with men who are not her relation, wants to hug this man, who took her to eat her favourite food even though it conjurs ghosts from his past, as she sits there in her bejeweled silk pants, legs crossed, sipping her tea. What OPNO asks for, of men, is nothing, and it is alot.

That they be brave as this one.

The choice to try to do the right thing, the choice to speak the truth when it is easier to keep silent, that is the only freedom that OPNO believes there is in this world.

I apologize for the melancholy post. These things break me. OPNO's definition of modern slavery: a slave is someone who has no choice to do the good thing, the right thing, over a wrong.

Allah help all the Muslims be strong enough to free their slaves, the slaves their lifestyle inherently creates, even if they are not slaves as before... Ameen.

WHY I LOVE OMAN: from an Islamic Perspective

People [usually Muscati Omanis and Arab Expats] are always asking me why I gave up the "good life" in my home country to live here for less pay, a smaller home, and foreign surroundings. Why I want a passport but don't need one anyway, for a love of Oman is already in my heart.

Expats from my home country generally have tons of reasons, ranging from salary and lifestyle, to love of adventure and the natural beauty of Oman. My perspective is a little different. So I don't fit the usual ignorant hick statement of "go home rich expat before you criticise Oman and Islam in Oman." Really? LOL :XD

For an Islamic reason I love Oman first and foremost because in Islam there is a blessing on the place from Allah subhanu wa ta'ala.

A historically documented saying of the Prophet Mohamed after the Kings of Oman accepted Islam after receiving his letter inviting them to the religion:

“My religion is Islam, and the people of Oman will be granted the blessings of Allah [fertility and game]. Blessedness is guaranteed for those who… believed in me without seeing me. Allah will strengthen Islam in the hearts of [the] Omanis.”

Oman came to Islam (UNLIKE the Quraysh tribe in MECCA IN SAUDI ARABIA) without fighting the Prophet Mohamed sallalahu alahi wa salaam, and without him ever visiting here, IN THE LIFETIME OF THE PROPHET MOHAMED sallalahu alahi wa salaam. For this reason, the Prophet said there would be a blessing on the land FROM ALLAH of animals and vegetation, and that Omanis would be granted the oppurtunity to have strong hearts in Islam if they continued to believe in Islam [see, you are not GUARANTEED THIS by your birth as an Omani, but by you being in/practicing Islam and being an Omani, Allah subhanhu wa ta'ala will take special care to strengthen your heart in Islam.

Umar, the second Caliph [leader] of the Muslims after Mohamed salalahu alahi wa salaam said to the Omanis, "Oh people of Oman, you willingly embraced Islam. You obeyed him and you caused no division or strife, so God has strengthened you for the purpose of good... and what the Prophet has said about you is honour enough until judgement day."

Like Al Madinah (formerly Yathrib in pre-Islamic days) Oman has a blessing from Allah on it.

***As a history buff, Oman has many Islamic sites of great historical value, such as Izki, where zakat [Islamic charity] was first taught to the Omanis, as testament to its rich Islamic history.***Oman is no longer an "Islamic country" in that it is part of a Caliphate (there is no Caliphate left BASED FROM ANY COUNTRY IN TODAY'S MODERN WORLD and the Global Muslims are weak in practice and belief and knowledge of their faith, and in that, divided within their selves). It is a Muslim-majority country nonetheless.

Islam governs (more than the country) the personal lives of the majority of the citizens of Oman, and they apply Islamic rulings about is or isn't to be done in their lives on a personal level.

Which is good for foreigners, as rulings in Islam that are for Muslims to take upon themselves (like fasting, not drinking alcohol, and women wearing jilbabs [abayas] and hijabs [headscarfs]) are not enforced upon them. As the Qu'ran forbids drinking, and showing skin and hair ect, it IS FOR the INDIVIDUAL MUSLIM to take upon themselves on a personal level, not for a governing body of Muslims to punish. Obedience or disobedience to these things for Muslims is direct from their Creator, not a governmental authority. Saudi Arabia (aka the Royal Saud Family), Iran, and Afghanistan (some parts of Pakistan too and Sudan ect) ARE WAAAAAAAY SCREWED UP IN THIS.

I love in Oman that I can do the beneficial act of wearing the face veil if I do so for God alone and not government or culture [some women in Oman, due to culture, I know, do not have this right but they should fight for it under Islam], but that should I not be so pious [I'm not] I can walk around with my face uncovered and or even not wear uber modest clothing at all, and I won't be harassed for it.

The benefit of this is Oman had less (not none) hypocrites than other so-called practicing-Islam countries I have visited. If men want to date and have sex, they do, and if they don't, they don't. If women want to wear hijab they do or they don't. If people want to drink, they do or they don't. While it is still looked down on by majority of society [and culture inspires hypocrisy and cowardice in some], such acts outside of Islam are legal on a governmental level, so if people want to be good, they are free to, and are better for it, and the ones that are bad, at least can be more obvious about it so they hurt the rest of the practicing Muslims less.

Yet, the laws that are for all peoples (even those in a Muslim land) are generally carried out. You kill someone, Muslim or non-Muslim, practicing or non-practicing, the law applies to you the same (at least a governmental ideal and general purpose).The thing I love about Oman the most though, is the Muslims here are no divided the same way they are in other countries. Sunni (me, you could say, I suppose, but I am supposed to be just a Muslim and not divide ourselves into sects), Shia (some good friends who I have learned from despite us supposed to be enemies lol), and Ibadhi (the Omani majority-and my aquaintance and friend majority) all get along here. We learn from eachother. If we are weirded out by the other, why they do something we don't, we ask why, and they tell us. If we think they are right after that, we change our practice. If we think they are wrong, we try to show them with evidences why we think we are right. If someone still has differences, we agree to disagree.

Islam is a religion of respect and wisdom, of teaching and constant learning. Other Gulf countries seem to forget this.

Oman also respects other religions. Oman has churches and temples. It isn't Mecca, this is halal. We want to learn from what the Christians and Hindu et all have to teach us, and if we don't respect them, how will they listen to us when we try to say why we are not as they are, why we think maybe we know something a little more in regards to how obtain peace?

Respect is a big issue in Oman, and I hope it is never abandoned by Omani Muslims as this same respect led them to listen about Islam in the first place, and to become Muslims.