RANT: How dare they not wear hijab!!!!!!!!

I almost got into a fight infront of room of students at SQU the other day (previous our weekend). MOP and I were peacefully reading a paper, and it happened to feature pictures of the Royal Horse Show in Al Wattiyah. Also the female riders wearing traditional Omani dress.

MOP casually (I suppose) remarked, that is was "all that people could talk about. How they were dressed."

He meant the women.

Which drew my ire.

OPNO: "What do you mean, how they were dressed?!" [my question is a threat, for those of you who do not know me. for those of you who do, you know MOP was digging his own grave just by opening his mouth any further.]

MOP pointed to the women's sirwaal/pants, and how they coat has blown up in the wind as they raced: "Their sirwaal is tight."

OPNO: "And when the wind blows, my abaya sticks to my butt. What's your point? The clothes are loose. EVEN THE PANTS!!!! When they stand in one spot, the clothing is not tight. In fact, it covers mid shin. It's hijab, even some of them, correct Quranic jilbab."

MOP scratches his head.

OPNO continues: "Oh MY GOD. Do you ever hear us women going around, talking about how some man failed to even COVER HIS NAKEDNESS as per Islam in, say, soccer/football matches?! No, you don't. But that's a sin for a man. He's not wearing hijab. In fact, I don't see any beards on ya'll that I'm sure were saying, 'it's all they can talk about'.

But GOD FORBID A WOMAN does not wear hijab AS A CULTURE WOULD DECREE, rather than as her God would decree, and even her Sultan."

People were staring at us, because I picked up the hem of my abaya at that point, to make my point, flashing, MY HIGHLY MODEST SIRWAAL (which has a further layer under it I might add, despite that in the summer this is a sticky, sweaty affair of dress!).

"God FORGIVE ME IF I AM WRONG! But don't your grandmothers dress like this and none of you have a problem?!"

MOP: "Yes, but they are fifty and-"

OPNO: "-Fifty and what? Some of them were wearing jilab! Jilbab isn't merely an abaya!!!!! Or black!!!!!!!!"

MOP is like a goat caught in the headlights [in english, this is a metaphor, please Arabs, don't take it the arab way, OPNO's husband IS NOT A goat].

OPNO continues to rage. MOP manoeuvers her out of the populated room in SQU to an abandoned parking lot, wear MOP soothes her with "I agree with you's" ect, until she stops seething.

There is, consequently, as there is an misunderstanding between Omani men and Omani women, a misunderstanding that non-Muslims have, that Muslim men don't have to cover, and Muslim women do.

WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

You KNOW the only reason Muslim men are allowed to wear less than women?!!!!

Because fabric used to be expensive due it the time it took to produce it before the industrial revolution, and it was a means to equal the poor man out from the rich one, and to give preference to the wife in regards to wealth of fabric.

If the man has the means to it, he is supposed to cover himself (including his head and his shoulders to at least below his knee) more than the bare minimum, but not to excess (having fabric that drags on the ground to show off one can afford more fabric, or expensive fabric and dyes and ornamentation).

But whether or poor or not, the Muslim man has to cover from his navel to his knee. That means nothing below the bellybutton, and nothing above the knee.

Reported Muhammad Jahsh, "The Messenger of Allah, upon whom be peace, passed by Ma'mar while his thighs were uncovered. He said, to him, 'O Ma'mar, cover your thighs, for they are (part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, al-Hakim and al-Bukhari in Tareekh and in mu'allaq form in his Sahih.

Reported Jurhad, "The Messenger of Allah passed by me when the cloak I was wearing did not cover my thigh. He said, 'Cover your thigh, for it (is part of the) 'aurah." This is related by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi, who called it hassan, and by al-Bukhari in mu'allaq form in the Sahih

Most Muslim soccer/sports players do not wear their hijab, which would be obligatory for them after puberty.

So let's just ban women from watching men's sports! some [ignorant idtiots] say.

I'm sorry, but it is a SIN FOR ANOTHER MAN even to see your thighs, guys, in Islam, so.... practice hijab even among yourselves first, before you lecture and conjecture over stranger's daughters, sisters, and wives, k?

I suggest reading this post on the bare minimum's on excess (silk, coloured dyes, length of fabric, type of fabrics, and what must be covered for men, and of course, lowering the gaze:
http://ohbrother-hijabformen.blogspot.com/

and all the evidence from the Qu'ran and sunnah containing commands for Muslim men to have beards (and how to keep them): http://ilovehishmatheblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/juma-thoughts-muslim-man-and-his-beard.html

So, now my brothers, before you decide to ruin other people's lives with fatws about women not participating in sports, or even watching them, why don't you study your Islam, make sure YOU yourself are practicing your religion and its commandments correctly.

We don't like judges that break the laws themselves do we? We don't respect police officers who do opposite what they are telling US to do, do we?

Well, such is the wisdom of Islam, that BOTH men and women have hijab. Brothers, honestly, talk less about OUR hijab, and work on your own.

Sisters, it is YOUR DUTY to perfect your hijab, and at least read enough (from daleel, not nessarily scholar's fatwas) to know what it is.

So no one can be so dumb as to tell you you can't ride a horse, or swim, unless, you are neither Sunni nor Ibadhi, since both recognize Umar as the leader of the Muslims in his time, and he said:

Omar ibn Al-Khattab (2nd Caliphate):
“Teach your children swimming, archery and horse-riding.”

Or tell you, you can't watch sports or entertainment with men in it (provided they are not doing anything haraam):

On an Eid day, some Abyssinians were singing a song and giving a dance performance right on the premises of the Prophet's Mosque in Medinah. Aisha . r.a. narrates that the Prophet asked her if she would like to watch it. She agreed and both she and the holy Prophet watched it for quite a while.

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Arabic version, v3, p228) [Note: Shiite Muslims reject this hadith as false, and also reject the previous, being they do not recognize Umar as a valid source of narration].

Family Meddling in Marriages in Oman

Sometimes I am kind of happy that I am an Orphan in the Islamic sense, when I hear stories of horrible families, abusing their daughter's rights.

MOP was telling me a story about a girl from Jebel Akhdar whose family married her when she was seventeen to an old man who was 80. She didn't really have a say, unless she wanted to be cast out by the tribe and family.

From my friend, we'll call her Rayan: "If we Omani girls go against our families, even if we commit no sin and do something that is good for us, it is as if we have committed adultery, or worse. No matter how good and liberal you think our families are. My mother loves you, but if you were her daughter, she'd never have allowed your marriage to MOP. Wrong tribe. Wrong job."

And Rayan is from Muscat.

I always say to myself, if I was her, the girl from Jebel Akhdar, I would have stood up for myself and run away, but if you don't have a job, and your family keeps you from learning the skills needed to provide for yourself, what can you do? And she didn't have any skills, just barely her schooling, so...

One of her male highschool teachers apparently thought to save her from this fate because he felt sorry for her in this situation, by marrying her as a second wife, but he didn't have the money for her maher.

He was a decent age, only fifteen years her senior, and kind I suppose, but I mean, doesn't a young girl deserve some options in life?

So I ask my husband about our sons and daughters. Ours sons could marry as they choose he says, even though his brother did not marry a [very white] Zanzibari girl he loved because of the fact that she was not "A Real Omani" and it could bring shame to the family, and no one would want to marry their daughters to the family anymore, and that it would be worse for them men of the family to marry a black skinned woman than to marry an Omani woman who did not wear a headscarf or abaya.

I get angry, wallah. This is not my religion. This is not Oman as I love Oman.

"What of our daughters?" I enquire. One always should, before marriage, if they want to know what kind of man their husband is.

My husband relents that he'd possibly allow a black man who was a good Muslim of good reputation who was amazingly secure and wealthy marry one of his daughters, but it would be unaccepted by the village. But in this case wealth was important because no one would accept them.

And then MOP was an idiot for a bit and tried to tell me that the Prophet Mohamed SAW never married his daughters to an African man or non Arab.

"He said "Salman Al Farsi [a Persian] is of my family!"" I retort to such tactics in anger.

MOP nods in agreement and says that is why he loves me, that he WANTS me to change some things in his village, after I stop BEING the change. Right now he is the person bringing the change. I am scary CHANGE incarnate Bwahahaha. I am here people, and you can't scare me away with gossip, and fear that your husbands will all marry white women. Because don't worry, they won't. Most of your husbands have smaller minds than you.

Forgive the bitterness, it will go in time.

I just chant to myself. "I love Oman. I love Oman. I love Oman."

Believe me. One white woman is enough change for his village at this time I suppose. And they like white skin.

I've had to sister in laws ask me for whitening lotions already.

I say try sunscreen and eating lots of cucumbers. Honestly, I just want them to lay off the bleaches.

Apparently though, in case of some miracle, like the sky spells out his name, any future daughters of ours will be forbidden from marrying men of a tribe that is enemy to my husband's tribe.

I fight this. I say "races, tribes, and nations are a thing of Jahiliyia [not of Islam]. [The Prophet Mohamed said] Leave it. It is rotten."

My husband relents in case of miraculous perfect man from said enemy tribe who rejects his tribe.

To be honest, using my good judgement, I'll help my children to marry as they feel capable.

I feel I have to fight, because knowing my husband's luck, if we have a daughter, she'll take after me.

And what did MY father say when I asked him if there was anything I could do in this life that would sorely disapoint him?

"You could suppress yourself to wear a veil and convert to some strange religion like Islam."

Yes, yes, my father really did say that.

So if she's anything like me...

MOP allows he may have to make room for his bad luck;D

Why is it every time I go to a clinic in Oman I get a shot/injection?!

K, so I had a bad bout of food poisoning this weekend. Cheap Pakistani coffee shop chicken for half a rial, yummy!

Or so I thought. But this post is not to point out which restaurant it was, since I am sure that the majority of my readers don't eat at that place anyway.

This post is my advice about going to clinics in Oman for health services.

Back in my home country, where Oman tends to send all of its doctors for training, we don't do shots/injections alot. There is the occasional blood test. There is the injection of anti-virus for a rather serrious virus (which personally, I have never seen back in the West but we are wanred it may happen one day), and they are what are called booster shots for young children (polio vaccine ect), and the flu shot for eldery folks.

We DO NOT get a shot everytime we visit the doctor. We certainly do not get a shot for the common cold which is caused by an numerous cold viruses, for which, no anti-virus has been developed that negates the effects of all colds. So no Western doctor will give a healthy adult (or even child) a shot for a cold.

But Omani clinics do. And first they give you a blood test if you are married to see if you are pregnant to see if it is safe to administer said useless injection. So you pay for the blood and urine test, and you pay for the injection. When there really is no cure for the common cold that needs a doctor other than maybe for a sick leave note. Which they won't write for you unless you buy their useless injection.

To those who are taken in by stupid clinics: The cure for the common cold (not a lung infection like strepthroat which requires anti-biotics) is to drink lots of warm liquids and avoid ac. Chicken soup, ginger and honey tea, fresh fruits and vegetables. Strepsols (lonzenges to numb a sore throat) and anything to stop a nose drip, from a pharmacy, these are what you need. Tylenol or panadol to treat and not very high fever.

For my food poisoning the clinic I went to out and out admitted there was nothing they could do to treat food poisoning. So they told me to go to the government hospitol, since the treatment for food poisoning is to remove stomach contents and to make sure liquids are fed into the body via IV to prevent dehydration. They charged me two rials to tell me this, but did nothing for me.

The government hospitol told me I needed a referral from the clinic first and would have to pay 20 rials which would not be covered under my insurance. Well, since I was poisoned, I thought no biggie, I can splurge on this one.

I went back to the clinic but it was closed for the afternoon so I just went home and back to bed. Driving around was something I was too weak to do. And the smell off coffee shop food near the clinic made me wish I was dead.

So I went home and I slept. I drank luke warm water and had some honey tea and some salted sliced cucumber. I know how to treat dehyrdation.

In the evening I returned the clinic. It had been 11 hours since I had first felt the effects of the poisoning so it had mainly past my system, and I was treating the effects of dehydration well enough, though I asked for a prescription for something to settle the wooziness in my stomach, and additional fluids for dehydration that are available from a pharmacy. Remember, this clinic had taken my two rials and told me to come back.

I was unwilling to get a referral to have my stomach pumped by the Government hospital at the point when I knew I would be paying the government hospital 20 rials to write me a sick leave for the day, since none of the DOCTORS THERE would be stupid enough to commit to useless treatment, but the private clinic (which shall remain nameless) did not seem to have that same problem.

I asked for the prescription and a sick leave. The doctor refused. She wanted to have me do a blood test and give me an injection. The blood test was to see if I was pregnant. The injection was not for anything. The doctor had ALREADY admitted there was nothing they could do unless they knew exactly was bacteria caused by poisoning and they didn't have injections for it. So I was supposed to pay for a useless injection and thus unwarranted blood test or she'd withhold my sick leave.

Screw it, I said. I don't need a sick leave.

I probably do, but I work with doctors of a higher caliber than that little clinic (who they themselves advised me never to get an injection) so I figure they'll just believe when I tell them my reason for missing work on Saturday.

****I asked a doctor I work with today about why all the clinics in Oman seem to want to prick me full of needles. He said "Never get an injection. It is just a way for the clinic to make more money. Take the tablet. The injection costs 200 baizas but they charge you 3-15 for it. The tablet from the pharmacy just costs 500 baizas."

The doctor at the clinic tried to give me this speal about how they are into people and don't care about cost when the truth was, she had already admitted there was nothing she could do to treat me, and the injection was useless.

I guess some people in Oman don't feel they got the right treatment from a doctor unless they got a good blood test and an arm pricked full of needles, but I know better than that, alas.

Most ailments aren't cured by injection.

RANTS: I am not a "maid" person

I don't hate people who have maids. I really don't. My SIL's do. My mother does. I grew up with what people in Oman call a houseboy. I just was the kid who hid all my dirty laundry from him because I didn't want other people to do my dirty work for me.And I have never gotten over a group of girls [of my social strata one could snobbily say in the "local" UAE lingo] in the UAE talking about choosing a maid like buying an animal. "Make sure their nails are clipped" "never let them go out on their own or have a cell phone or wear make up or dress themselves". And get this, the poor non-muslim maid did not want to wear a headscarf.
Well, you know what, in Islam, unless she IS a Muslim, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the religion. You can make her, but you are an idiot to do so. Ask her. Present her with options. She is more likely to do so then, and know what, maybe even CONVERT if you treat this non-muslim entity in your employ with ALL her rights in YOUR religion. Duh. And besides focussing on the hair covering part (which denotes that you ARE a believing Muslim woman, obedient to God, not your employer or husband or any fashion whim), why not simply try for more modest clothing. Which to me is a great alternative, and if you let the maid have a say, you'll both be happy. I GUARANTEE you, your male relatives and inlaws are waaaaaaaaaaay more likely to check out her body shape than her hair, so if you're really worried about that, ask her to be respectful in THAT regard. Your religion might not MEAN anything to her. Hijab is hot and if you aren't doing it for God, don't bother. Try a breezy hat instead as a compromise maybe?
I once asked a maid why she didn't become a Muslim since she believes in Islam. Her answer: "I've worked for people who pray five times a day and are the most evil souls alive."And you don't own a maid, even if you sponsored their visa. It is a job, just like anywhere else. Which means you can't yell at them, abuse them, tell them what to wear and where to go on the hours they are NOT working. And fulltime in Oman, DOES NOT mean, NEVER HAS A BREAK OR DAY OFF. It means so many hours a week, not to exceed such and such a time without compensation in extra salary.

"but if you spoil them they'll get lazy!"

Treating them like people ISN'T spoiling them. Letting them form their own lives and be a human being is not going to make them a crappy worker. I know. People in our employ ALWAYS went out of their way for myself and my family.

My SIL just tried to talk me into getting my husband to get me a maid. He already offered. I was like, "Don't I make the house nice?" He's like, "Beautiful Habiti." And I am like , "And don't you love my cooking [of course, when we don't dine out]?" He's like "mmmmm." So honestly, I don't really want another woman taking care of my children if I can make time for them, or serving my husband food or drinks, or washing his car, when those are thing HE CAN LOVE ME more for. I'd make an exception if I was a super important business woman/or dignatARY WHO HAD TO ENTERTAIN alot, and leave the home, so the children were alone for five hours at a time (I don't want kids if I have to leave them alone longer than THAT). But I am not. So. For now the answer is "NO".

I don't need a housemaid.

I also don't need to hear from bored housewives (who do nothing for their children OR their house or their husband but SHOP) who want to complain about their maids. Serriously. One more complaint about a decent human being who works harder than you ever will, and I will kill myself, or pay your maid's salary to live in Philipines and take care of her OWN children and family.

Really. And I could afford it, so friends and relatives of mine, watch out.

OPNO is stubborn beyond reason, as you already know, and to make a point she does some pretty drastic things.

A thing for hats... & about the Shebab ; ;, nudge, nudge

My Omani husband (aka MOP) has a thing for hats (and obviously white English-speaking women right?). I think it stems from his crush on Kate Winslet's character "Rose" from the Titanic movie. BTW, he had no idea there was a nude scene in that movie, or a sex scene, because it was of course cut out in Oman. This the closest to nude that she got: in the Oman friendly edition. Scandalous, I KNOW. LOL, believe me, the site of a wellformed ankle can hit an Omani guy off, so don't laugh about it, it is true. It is almost like wearing your underwear to the 7/11 in the USA, lol, I am serrious, a nice ankle.So Winslet's character was very idealized to MOP. He also has NO idea that I am writing about him or things he has confided to me, so if you know both of us, um, yeah, please be kind, and rewind, and forget I ever brought up the Kate Winslet thing. Anyways, I am writing this post because yesturday I saw two beautiful young expat ladies (like myself---only I was fully veiled, including my face) differentiated only in how they were dressed. One was in a skirt exposing her upper thighs but long in the back, and her midriff, and the other was wearing loose fitting linen trousers and a long T. They were both lovely, but one was dressed too sexual for an Omani grocery store. I was actually offended but the midriff exposed one, but hey, I was in a face veil, and didn't want her to think women who wear face veils are intolerant so I didn't say anything, but to be honest, there was only one man and one woman who wasn't bothered by her dressed like that. Everyone else, even the expats were going like, WTH? Al Fair isn't Rockbottom or the poolside at the Intercon. I don't creep people out in my face veil in NA, I pin pretty pins to it and flowers and wear colours to be less offensive to North Americans in my Muslim garb. And as a non Muslim expat I never showed my midrif AND inner upper thighs at the same time. It is just kind of rude. It isn't bad, but it is inconsiderate. What is pipctured below is NOT appropriate for GROCERY SHOPPING in Muscat!!!! Ahhhh, please don't give expats like me a bad rep okay? And you will, I know Omanis. And in case you don't believe good 'ole extremist me, from my very arab husband the following:

"Most Omani guys who don't understand your culture will veiw you as a peice of meat."

On from that rant a friend of mine were discussing the Shebab (Muslim Arab guys) and how sometimes the players are better than the seemingly innocent ones, because at least the players had enough game to have neverslept with a prositute. I am serrious. Guys, if this is not you, please don't be offended, but, it is the majority of guys that were my friends. They either were cool enough to have dated, or they, ugh, well, let's not go there but they er, went to Dubai & Thailand. Anyways, we came to the conclusion that all the truly innocent ones marry very young IN ORDER to avoid being in the two above categories. Which isn't the real reason a woman wants to be married to a guy but...

This post is depressing.

I love my husband, whatever category he fell into before, alhamdulilah, he is my man now;)

OPNO hates... this style of decorating, ick:p

I really, really hating overly guilded furniture in a faux-french setting, ie the Arab home. It NEVER comes across as classy to me, but reminds me of a badly staged soap opera about catty rich & famous that I'd be ashamed to watch (good thing I don't other than in arabic, which I don't understand, so when i translate, it is more SCRUBS than whatever Kuwaiti drama about a stolen dress it happens to be in actuality).

I must admit, the majority of classical furniture in Oman is of this kind, so it IS part of the culture, but I don't like it, nor do I accept it. I don't know why but OPNO finds it rather preposterous and strange. And usually it is not complete, the gilded furnished room has a fan beating overhead, not a crystal chandelier. Or the gilt furniture has a cheap plastic-y looking brocade on it. Egyptian and Kuwaiti soap operas, here we come, imitating a commercial Arab pop culture.

Some people see all that marble and guilding as lux, but I see the maids and the cheap fabric on the couch pillows, and I don't see it as anything close. Luxury is effortless, and comfortable, in order to be just that. Elegance is refusal, not ostentation. And I am no minimalist.But when your entire house is covered in marble like below, it kind of looks like a bathroom. No offense. Just my ignorant, NOTREALLYOMANI opinion.

RANT: National Day

While I am SOOOO excited about National Day, I am soooooooooo bored of National Day rehearsals. So are ALL the teachers I know.

RANT: #1 thing I don't like about Oman

Some Omanis (GCC Arabs in general) treat me better than an

IndianPakistaniIndonesian

Malaysian

or Philipino

Muslim women. Who are sisters to them in the religion.

Even when I was a non-Muslim.

Why?

Because they think I am better than those other women, by virtue of race. That THEY are better by virtue of race and cultural entitlement. When their religion would say they are the same as a creature that lives in dung.

" ...People should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of hell-fire. If they do not give this up Allah (swt) will consider them lower than a lowly worm which pushes itself through khur (feces)." -The Prophet Mohamed, peace and blessing be upon him [abu Dawd and Tirmidhi].

ANYONE who thinks like that, whether they are from my country, the Gulf, Asia, Africa, what have you, MAKES ME SICK AND ANGRY. Especially if they are presenting themselves as a Muslim.

ANYONE WHO ACTS THIS WAY IS A POOR MUSLIM, because Islam says:

Surat Al-Hujrat, verse 13, reads: 'O mankind! We have created you from a single male and female and made you into nations and tribes so that you may know each other. The most honorable of you in the sight of Allah are surety the righteous." (Al-Hujurat: 13)

Allah also says in the Qur’an: "O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women.” (An-Nisa’: 1)

The Prophet Mohamed (peace and blessings be upon him) declared: "O people! You are all to Adam and Adam was made of dust. No Arab is to be preferred over a non-Arab except by virtue of his piety." In another hadith, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Allah does not look at your images or your colors but He looks at your hearts (intentions) and your deeds. Creatures are the dependants of Allah and the closest among them to Allah are indeed the most useful to His dependants."

In practice, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) had among his closest Companions Salman the Persian, Suhaib the Roman, and Bilal the Ethiopian. Two of the three Companions were ex-slaves who were liberated after embracing Islam, namely Salman and Bilal. Despite this, and in spite of the black complexion of Bilal, he was chosen by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as the first muezzin to prayer, a position coveted by many. As a matter of fact, senior Companions like Abu Bakr and `Umar used to call Bilal 'our master', and the Prophet himself used to say: 'Salman is a member of our family.' It was not, however, an easy task to cancel racism in Islam. But every time it rose its head the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to give the Muslims an important lesson. Thus when his Arab Companion Abu Dharr called Bilal 'son of the black woman', the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) got angry and told him: 'You are a man who has ignorance in him.' Abu Dharr felt such a great remorse that he put his cheek on the ground and asked Bilal to tread on his other cheek if he’d like to.

I love Oman more than other GCC and Arab countries like Jordan, Syria, UAE, ect because the unislamic form of Nationalism isn't very much present here, but racism remains.

The Quran Says :
3:103
"And hold fast, all of you together, to the Rope of Allâh (i.e. this Qur'ân), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember Allâh's Favour on you, for you were enemies one to another but He joined your hearts together, so that, by His Grace, you became brethren (in Islâmic Faith), and you were on the brink of a pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allâh makes His Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.,) clear to you, that you may be guided."

Q.3:105
"And be not as those who divided and differed among themselves after the clear proofs had come to them. It is they for whom there is an awful torment."

So to those brave women in Oman who defend the maids and workers, who are kind to them, and stick up for their rights, and to the one sis in Salalah I know who sits with her families maids, and is sweet to her, I love you. Allah increase you and keep you, ameen.

RANT: French Fries

This is a rant.

Only in Oman does your sandwich (and your salad!!!!) come with French fries on it/in it/ around it.

I asked for lettuce at one coffee shop (which shall remain nameless because they make a killer hotdog {with potatoe chips}) and the above was what I got. I wish my hindi were better, I really do, because I can't understand Arabic with an Indian accent at all.

Poor OPNO :(

RANT: MEN AND WOMEN OF OMAN

First, I am going to complain about the women. I knew the boys first, so to their annoyances I will be loyal and recite in order.

1.) Take care of your husbands. It is an Islamic duty. That means taking care of yourself if he is to care about you. I hear the bride is on a diet to fit into her dress but after the wedding she doesn't care what she eats, if she gets fat or what not. Well she should. More so after than before marriage. Your husband wouldn't want a second wife if you took care of yourself. I have no pity on this. Most women in Oman have help from other female family members and maids if they work and have children so you can't use your children as an excuse. In Islam, a duty to raise the children with Islamic values is first, but then a duty to pleasing one's husband comes in, else the family DOES fall apart. Yes, what is on the inside counts, and counts alot. In my Western country the women care only about the outer image and their husbands leave them for Asian girls that massage and cook for them. In Oman, the men look for second wives who take care of the outide image because their first wife doesn't. There is a BALANCE ladies. Inner beauty combined with an attempt at seeking your husband's attaention and pleasure at least4 times a week is going to keep him happy. Listen to him, be interested in him, be interesting to him. Husband is going to be jealous if your wear perfume for your female visitors and shave for a wedding party but not for him. It is the sunnah and an obligation on you to make an effort, serriously.

2.) High mahers, expensive weddings, and family tribe names. These things don't equal a happy marriage or a good man so WHY are they the things you are asking for or asking/letting your family seek out for you? I know, I know, disobeying your family even for a halal or sunnah thing in Oman is the same thing as being a whore (to some) and it is the same as if you did something really wicked, but be brave. For the sake of your country, and yourselves. Change comes with one person, than your cousin, than your sister, then your children, then your country. And really, the wedding is one day. Why not invest in your future life together, ie your home, your future children's education, even a vacation for your and your husband, instead of a white wedding and hotel ballroom reservation, and expensive (and TACKY LOOKING!) kosha? Sorry. I am just very opinionated in this.

3.) Second and third wives are halal. Don't ask for divorce over this unless your husband married in secret without telling you (total disrespect and not even HALAL in most scholarly opinions unless he was unable to tell you due to him being away on a caravan for years of something rather unlikely in the age of mobile phones but whatever), or he is obviously doing it because he never loved you in the first place but was too coward to say so. Remind him second wives in Islam are not just pretty young things though, but women in general need. WIDOWED DIVORCED WOMEN NO OTHER MEN WOULD MARRY WITH CHIDLREN TO SUPPORT OR ORPHANS WITH NO FAMILIES. Do not turn these women away. In Islam, they are to be cared for, by you, as well as your husband. Want for others what you want for yourselves.

4.) If you are a widowed of divorced woman, one of the reasons men don't want divorced or widowed women is because they are afraidf they won't add up to another man. Yes, true. So don't compare, ever. Just some advice.

Not, to the men, my brothers, my friends:

1.) You can't only complain about the women of Oman. What the hell are you doing out all night at the shisha bars or hanging with your friends when you have a wife and kids at home? Once in a while is fine, on a schedule, you go out twice during the week, and one or two weekends a month with the guys. The rest should be for your family. Your wife isn't just for sex and making babies and following kids around. You got to spend time with her. The kids are yours too and need time with their father. Nothing makes me disrespect you more.

2.) BE A MAN. You don't love your cousin that your family wants you to marry? DON'T MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE! Islam says you can say no. It is your right. If you marry her, and then want to marry another girl because you don't love her but are afraid she won't be able to remarry if your divorce her (why were you so selfish and cowardly to do that in the first place to her) it is hard to pity you. You were a coward. Face up. Be brave in the first place. Don't put a girl in that position, ever.

3.) If you are going to marry another wife, try to consider how your wife will emotionally handle it. Do you both barely have enough money and time for eachother as is? Then you can't do it fairly can you, and then Islam forbids you.

4.) Also when it comes to marriage, if you had sex before marriage, don't marry a virgin, marry a woman of your like. I am serrious. The Qu'ran is pretty clear on that. The pure are for the pure.

5.) Unto the pure are for the pure and the good the good... Widowed and divorced woman in Islam are as good as a VIRGIN!!!! They are considered PURE. Yes, yes they ARE, no matter how screwed up culture is, one that says a man that sleeps around but that has never marrie dis better for him to marry a virgin than a good and pure divorced lady with taqwa, ya Allah!

RANT I'VE ALWAYS MEANT TO MAKE: Not a Real Omani

This is a rant I've always wanted to make.

How come anytime an Omani (and you can prove he is an Omani, not an Indian or whatever) does something screwed up, another Omani will always: "well, he's not a real Omani." As if that will make it better.

I've had people imply to me that when I saw girls going to nigh clubs (Omani girls) it was because they were Zanzibari. They weren't, but hey. When I can prove that someone is not Zanzibari, say, like, they are from Sharqiyah/Sur, well, it is because they are Bedu. Or their ancestors mixed with Africans. Oooookaaaay, some of the bedu have been the nicest ever but what do you know? And skintone denotes nothing of societal behaviour (from an all-white town with gangsters and thugs that would be toted as educated British in Oman due to their accent and skintone by some, I LMAO at that.).

But you know what is EVEN MORE screwed up? If I CAN 100% prove the doer of wrong is Omani of Arab-Yemeni descent, like, in Nizwa back thousands of years, someone WILL STILL SAY to me, he's not a real Omani. His great great great great great great grandfather was only a maker-of-such-and-such and came from here.

A REAL Omani is a citizen of Oman. [OPNO is only Omani in her heart and soul], and real Omanis can do some pretty screwed up things too, so why don't you just apologize instead of saying they're mixed with slaves or lawatti or bedu or whatever.

In my country (the one I am a citizen of but abandoned because I love Oman more), when my people (same passport as me) threw boiling water on an Arab-looking woman in a headscarf, I felt shame, the deepest shame. I personally, before Islam, and definately after, would NEVER ever do such a thing or ALLOW another to do so. But still, I wanted to say sorry to the girl on behalf of my people, on behalf of my county. I didn't say, that idiot wasn't as [insert nationality] as me. I can say sorry.

And like Omani standards, when people refer to me, they usually refer to me as a "real [insert nationality]" from a "good family". I laugh at that. My people took the land from the natives, and yes, archeologically, remains indicate people were there before even them, and then the British took it back from us, and we integrated and built a Capital city, ect, ect, but none of that matters. None of that MAKES ME ANY MORE A [insert nationality] than a Chinese or Bangladeshi man who swore allegience to my country the same. (Less, actually, they swore allegience, and I was born expected to carry on that way. One means a hell of alot more).

I know I don't have to be sorry, but I am. I am sorry on behalf of my country. I am deeply, deeply ashamed of the silent racism in my country, which I never saw until I put on a headscarf, decided to dress modestly, and to say to hell with you to the racists, wore niqab. It RIPPED ME APART from THE INSIDE to see someone taunt a woman walking down the road by herself, threaten to rape her if she didn't take off her clothes (her face veil). Tell her she's ugly because she covers her hair. DEEPLY, FOREVER SCARRED WITH SHAME. Not afraid of that man, I would have spat on him and ripped his eyes out, for sure, if he tried to take from me my right to practice my beliefs. But ashamed of myself, because by a passport I am related to him. I may have been the woman told to "go back to her country" by some fool, but that fool is my brother in the nation, and so his actions make me ashamed. That shame is part of the reason I can't stand my own country anymore. When I see wrong in Oman, it does not cut me the same, because these people still don't accept me as "their people" though I love them in my heart more than they can imagine.

As a Korean, far more [insert OPNO's nationality] than me once said to me in terms of the individual citizen and value of a Nation's population "It is one grain of rice tips the scale."

The "real" Omani loves Oman and all the people in his/her country. Where they are from, doesn't make them "any less real" to him or her. Their actions affect the whole of the country, for better or worse. The "real" Omani, to me, is the one that realizes this, and act accordingly.

RANT: I can't marry her in Islam because I slept with her

from the Shebab:

OPNO and random nameless Shebab are discussing marriage (not TO EACHOTHER!!!). Shebab says to OPNO he's only loved one girl before, but he can't marry her.

"Oh no!" Goes OPNO mentally. What other retarded cultural Omani crap (high maher, not the right skintone, not the right tribe last name) was she about to encounter?

None.

Shebab: "I can't marry her, because I am Ibhadhi [sect of Islam] and our tasfeer [understanding of Qu'ran varrying from sect to sect] says that a man cannot marry a woman he's slept with before marriage."

OPNO looks confused, but she knows exactly which part of the Qu'ran that tasfeer could come from.

"OPNO: "Because the Qu'ran says the "pure men are for the pure women and the pure women for the pure men?"

Shebab: "Exactly."

OPNO: [raising one eyebrow]. "Who are you going to marry then? A virgin?! Or some chick your friends have slept with already? I may be Sunni, but that verse is kind of obvious. That means YOU (definately not pure dude) can only marry a woman same as you. Um, the girl you loved? She'd BE that. Anyways, why do you think the ROP sometimes "force" couples caught fooling around into marriage anyways?"

Shebab looks at OPNO and wished her the best (or better) in her love life, and absorbs her thought, as strange as it is.

I don't know about the other Muslims out there, but this is strange one to me. Since I am not Ibadhi, what is a man supposed to do who had premarital sex (besides be flogged)? The Qu'ran does not allow him a virgin, and this interpretation allows him not even the girl he slept with, so is he supposed to marry a girl someone ELSE slept with, and the girl LIKEWISE? Sounds stupid to me. Sorry. Explain it if I got it wrong.

Rant: Bra Straps in Oman

I know we have La Senza here but is it just me, or do ALLLLLLLLLLLL the other bra's in Oman come with the shottiest bra straps ever that just break for no apparent reason but cheap elastic???????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!!!!!!!

No wonder some VERY pretty looking bras are so affordable here.......... because they skimp on quality straps.

I am so sad, so very sad.

For Omani Guys: How NOT to PROPOSE to a girl part 1

Dear Guys,

While your attentions have been flattering (generally not, I am being nice), you SUCK at proposing to a modern (but still traditional girl). I am writing this post because I FINALLY RECIEVED A FEW DECENT proposals, lol, but that is for the daily diary not, here. This post will be about the hilariously BAD marriage lines I have been given over the years, me and my friends.

I have recieved MANY proposals of marriage since I moved to Oman, and these are combined with my friends' experiences. They often begin the same way. Here is how NOT to propose to a girl, from most common, to least common:

Beginning of BAD marriage proposal #1: "I have a house."

'Uh, ok, so do I.'

Stating that you have a house is great and all, we women love a man who lives on his own and can take care of himself and isn't living off his parents. But this is marriage AND OUR futures you are talking about. This is a detail we'll want to know about later, sure, but stating it first is like saying all we women care about when we are marrying you is getting out of our father's houses and having a roof over our heads. Generally speaking, most girls don't like to be thought of as that miskeen. LOL, and I have BEEN the definition of independent 'miskeen' for a long time now. We want to know why you want to marry us, and THEN what you can do for us. If a girl is only interested in what you can do for her, um, she's GENERALLY marrying you for the wrong reasons.

BAD marriage proposal #2: The marriage proposal so far has gone great. You like the guy, he has what you are looking for. Then he reveals what a backwards tool he is by finishing arrogantly, "You should consider it soon. You are not that young anymore.... Men don't like to marry women after 25."

'Uh! So if I was a little bit older (you would be too, you jerk!) you wouldn't consider me? women expire like milk! Oh so KIND of your offer now, tool.'

Too bad when I FIRST heard this line I was SIXTEEN years old! And many years have past and I am still getting offers.' LOL:XD

We women certainly do not like for you to imply that our inherent value to you is embued with our age which is something that will CHANGE. We went to be seen as having PERSONALITIES, ideas, and then after you appreciate that, individual physical features. We are looking for someone to enoy spending our lives with. Not someone who makes himself seem small-minded and incompatible with these basic emotional needs a woman HAS.

Bad marriage proposal #3: similiar to bad proposal #2, saying your reason for marrying is because we are "beautiful" and "fair" or because our "family is important" makes us feel you are marrying us to USE us for your own upping of social status, not because you ACTUALLY value us. And maybe you do, but just can't communicate it???????In my case, bad marriage proposal #4: Guy really doesn't try to list any of his merits. He just opens with "I will give you an Omani passport." I look at him like, what an idiot.

I came here on my own. Arab guys from non-Gulf countries are ALWAYS trying to marry me for MY passport. I love Oman and don't need an Omani passport to feel like I can do something for this country, that I am part of the landscape and culture, LOL. I love Oman. And the culture. Doesn't mean AT ALL that I will marry ANY OMANI MALE that asks me LOL:XD ;p

Ahhhhhhh, hehehehe.

Funny/really DUMB reasons Omani guys have given the women of OPNO for their proposals:

"Your nose is nice."

"I like way yu talk."

"The maher for baby girls in my family will be good because you are so white."

"I cannot afford to marry Omani girl."

"You wear abaya." And MUST thus be a good Muslim right???? Uh, ASK ABOUT THE RELIGIOUS opinions of the woman, don't just assum her religion is spot on cuz she has a scarf on her head. Makes you look like the FACADE of religion is all you care about, not the real core of the person's values.

That's about it for now.

Rant: Omani Perfume

Once I was walking down the beach in Shatti. I could litterally smell one woman from a MILE AWAY down the beach. Abaya (check). Niqab (check). Good hijab/Muslim modesty? Not really. She was like Cleopatra with her scented barges. Every man on that beach would remember what she smelt like as if they had intamitely kissed her neck or smelt her hair. That's kinda a personal thing, and is lovely between a man and wife. Why would you wanna sacrifice those small little beauties I wonder?

Ah, well, guess I am an old fashioned-prude, yes Mama.

But, from an Islamic standpoint:

Muslim women aren't supposed to wear any perfume that a man who is not related to one can smell. Alot of Omani women don't seem to know or care about this. I don't know why it bothers me so much but it kinda does. The Prophet sallalahu alhi wa salaam told us to take care in this, as women. Allahu alim.

Wasta

I have a love/hate relationship with wasta (influence).

I totally love when wasta gets me a great job (that I could get anyway-I never take something I am not qualified for) without having an interview. I love that wasta gets me to pay lower prices than most of my friends for applications and other goodies. And when it gets me a great rate on a villa. Or to the front of a line. But honestly, I feel guilty if I get something I don't deserve and can't enjoy it that much. I only like wasta because maybe I am a little lazy. And my friends of not very much influence, love when they can show off whatever little wasta they have to help me. I love that is makes them feel good about themselves. I feel bad for everyone that doesn't have wasta though, and that makes me not want to use it. It is supporting a corrupt system.

But the system really cripples us in the end. Because when something really needs to get done, you have to wait and wait, and ask for favors, and if you don't know anyone, really, you are screwed.

So shall I be able to wait in line, pass the same papers as everyone else, instead of resisting to make that one phone call to speed things up? If we ALL did, it would fix things, sure...

We all know we should. But my hate relationship with wasta is, even if you are trying to be good, sometimes things just don't get done without wasta. I need to get things done. For myself, and my friends, and the people I care about.

What is your relationship with wasta????

Rants: Girls Getting Ready in Oman

M & K are on their way? Khalas, ten minutes, I'm done. The boys don't believe it. showered even.

But... who is coming? OmaniH! (Omani H is a female of pure Omani descent LOL).

Ooooooooooooooooooooh. DEAR. GOD.

Sitting fully dressed, make-up, clothes, abaya, sheila, et all, I wait. One hour passes. I have already worked out the timing to be an hour delayed as OmaniK himself takes an hour to dress and cologne himself. But H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

M and me put our heads in our hands in despair. H can take two hours to get dressed and promise us five minutes. This is for running to Lulus, not a Dhofari wedding, ya'll, just Lulus, or Carrefoure.

Sigh. We look idenitcally polished when she arrives. I wonder what she does all that time, I really do.

Alcohol in Oman: Drink it Up

As a Muslim woman living in a Muslim country (I made hijrah alhamdulilah) I wonder at the fact that alcohol is legally served to people who are obviously [AT LEAST LEGALLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT] Muslims. I have no problem [I mean to say, it is not for me to judge] with non-muslims drinking (though I think it should be illegal for Muslims to serve them or sell them alcohol) [simply because it is prohibited in our religion] but I see some serious flaws in the system for alcohol in Oman.

Some argue that since liquor licenses are available for all non-Muslim expatriates and that all hotels serve both Muslim and non-Muslim patrons in the bars and nightclubs and restaurants, what is the point of alcohol being illegal in Oman? I agree: the law is STUPID!!!!

BUT I DO NOT IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE THINK ALCOHOL SHOULD BE LEGALIZED IN OMAN. I THINK HOTELS, NIGHTCLUBS, and BARS should require paperwork stating the religion (or non-religion) of the patron so that Muslims who benefit from protection from Islamic laws in Oman do not make a mockery of what they proclaim their religion to be.

Such a law however enacted would make it so less Omani youth feel pressured to engage in drinking just to have a social life. I know many who do. They want to be able to go places to socialise and even dance in groups of friends, but they know they'll be surrounded by others of their peer group who've already succumbed to the habits of the scene.

I grew up as a young impressionable teen emerged in the expat community in Oman. There, a social life of flitting from hotel to hotel, private club to embassy bar, almost came with the requirement of having a drink in one's hand for most spaces of the social scene. Many who are not heavy-drinkers before they come to Oman, become so for social reasons here.

Typical life for me before Islam: there is gin and tonic for lunch. Then there are cocktail parties and dinner parties hosted in friends' private homes. Then there is the hotel and embassy scenes, all of which cocktails (or beers) are requirements of your social set. This is not to mention the club bunnies (hopping from nightclub to nightclub) and bar stars (you know who you are). I was too young to have been ogled at Rock Bottom by the circled set of older Omani men in dishdashas (gross) or to have danced it up with my Omani guy friends at Shangri-la, but I knew of the scene.

Many drink and drive here in Oman.

Expats: those of you who do MAKE ME SICK cuz you know better. Omanis: Since alcohol is a social faux-pas for many Omanis, they often cover up the fact that they were drinking by driving home drunk. A young Omani guy can't just call his family, and be like, "Baba, I've had one too many." So it IS dangerous. And Omani girl can't have been there at all, so I mean, i can't even imagine what happens if she somehow managed to drink too much. None of her friends are gonna take her to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

If I were a smart ROP fella, I'd just wait outside the nightclub, and make sure no one too drunk was driving. This would be a SMART initiative for the ROP.

I remember being pulled over by the ROP in PDO and they checked our drivers' [male] bags and trunk and personal items, but not my [woman] handbag. Seriously, if we'd really have bought booze from the expat liquor store, we'd have just put it in my purse, knowing women's persons' don't get checked. Since no one in our party had been drinking, this night annoyed me (they thought in a prejudiced, young white woman with Omani men, alcohol is probably involved) but had we been, we'd have been smart enough to hide everything on me. Duh!

And about the nightclubs.... Why can men in dishdashes go in, but not a woman wearing hijab???? Just a question, not that any Muslim woman following her deen would be discoing out on the floor, but how come the bouncers will enforce this but not the religion of their fellow brother's in Islam?????

That's a hard one to swallow, now, isn't it, but something really does have to be done. The way things are set up now don't really work, and come across as hypocritical.

FUNNY ROP QUOTES

ROP officer at a traffic jam before the roundabout in Qurum: [said angrily in arabic] "The next person who honks gets a ticket!"

A random expat: "Well, no one here in Wattiyah [station @ night shift] can speak English or tell me what's going on, or what's going to happen to us, but they sure make the best coffee!"

"My car got stolen 2 yrs back... the ROP calls me often to ask me if I have spotted the car anywhere I should call them immediately!"

"My friends cell and money was stolen out of their car. They work for the mobile company, so they got the trace, and knew the name of the guy and phoned the ROP with it. The ROP guy says 'if you bring him down to the station...'"

Me @ the airport: "That purse is to be checked. It has a weapon in it." I get directed through security still holding the purse and searching for someone to give it to. Bussed to the boarding steps in Seeb, I am STILL holding the purse that I told them had to be checked because it had a weapon in it.

Please feel free to add your own.

5haleeji Makeup: Khaleeji Makeup

My post about formal makeup in Oman: OMIGOD!!!! LOL. There are two kinds of formal makeup in Oman, the expat sort which doesn't even make it for daywear for the Arab women who are serious about makeup, and then there is the 5haleeji style. As a girl who just had her makeup done professionally the other day, I can go, um, well, it is different than what I am used to painting on myself. And I am not shy with the eyeshadow, I had thought.
For the khaleeji look, they are absolutely strong on the use of different colours, and their aim is to match the colours to your outfit, not what suits you best personally. I'm a girl who looks good in purple eyeshadows, but the other day I had FIVE different colours of GLITTER pasted out past my natural browline. Concealer was then used to give the shadow a severe shape. I felt like an old Egyptian movie star (THE SHAPE)/ 1920s flapper (THE THICKNESS OF THE UNDERLINING---THIS I LIKED BTW)/ circus trampeze artist (THE GLITTER). With all that colour girls, why the glitter?????
Another feature is re-drawing the shape of the brows, either by bleaching the brows, or actually taping over and repainting the entire natural brow. Not many Omani women I've met pluck since to do is generally thought of to be a sin in most instances (unless you've got a mustache).
The next feature is that there is usually two kinds of eyeliner on the bottom of the eye, the dark black one, and then a white line at the corner of the eye, to create drama and shape.
Fake eyelashes seem to be a must, and also, painting your skin on till it is so cake-thick white. LOL, I am soooooo glad I am already white as ghost, so I get to skip this step, or I'd end up with the worst conditioned skin. I am one of those who is too lazy to wash off lastnight's makeup. As a result, I have no white pillowcases.
This is pretty much (a tamer version) of what my makeup the other day looked like. It kinda made me feel like a cross between a Geisha and a drag Queen.
This reminds me of a friend's wedding photo, where all I could do was stare, horrifies by how UNFLATTERING the eyeliners and shadow was to her face shape.
This one, to me, is actually pretty, because of the shape of the kohl, ad the fact the model kept her natural skin tone apparent.
What do you think about this style of Omani makeup? I don't think it is TRULY the original cosmetic culture of Oman, but was adopted, like black abayas, when Omanis used to be in other countries like Saudi and Bahrain and Kuwait, back in the day.